Many factors can lead to the circumstances in which you are now raising your grandchild (or another relative child). And there are just as many factors that make this new dynamic in your home a hard row to hoe. These tips can help set you up for success while raising grandkids or other relative children in your kinship journey.

Tips for Success When Raising Grandkids

1. Educate yourself.

Whether you work with a caseworker or are raising these kids outside the foster system, commit to learning as much as possible about the children’s challenges. Living away from Mom and Dad might be the safest option for now, but this plan has many added layers for the kids to work through. Look for local foster parent training and inquire about taking the courses. Get recommendations for books, webinars, or podcasts from a caseworker, social worker at the kids’ school, or their pediatrician. You should seek information on the following topics. We’ve linked to our resource pages to get you started:

CreatingaFamilyEd.org offers free online courses to help you understand the needs of the child you are raising. We also have an extensive library of other online courses specifically for foster parents and kinship providers. All our courses come with a Certificate of Completion that might be necessary if you pursue foster licensing for this kinship arrangement.

When grandparents (or aunts or other relatives) have been out of the “parenting game” for a while, it might feel like a whole new world to jump back into raising grandkids. Take some time to look around for the resources your local community offers. The options and resources available now differ from when you were raising your kids. If you don’t have a caseworker to help you navigate community connections, try the school district social worker or guidance counselor. You could also join a local foster parent support group. Meeting with them regularly will provide education, support, and a sense of community that helps you and these kids thrive.

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2. Find your people.

The adage “it takes a village” rings true in kinship care because of your family’s unique joys and challenges. You likely were not planning to raise your grandkids child at this stage of life. Working through your new reality means you need a safe person to process those changes and the feelings they bring. If your grandkids (or nieces or cousins) struggle to cope with these changes, you must have a trustworthy, experienced sounding board to help you help them. Having a few reliable friends willing to support you with occasional meals, childcare, and even mentoring for your grandchildren is also a good idea. These people coming around you will be an invaluable support to your family and help ensure your success.

In-person and online groups are also invaluable tools for surrounding yourself with people who “get it.” These gatherings serve different purposes from your friendships by offering peer learning and a community that can stave off isolation. Returning to the child-rearing season when other friends have moved on can be lonely without a community that understands what you are doing and why.

3. Self-care is more crucial than ever!

Closely related to the previous tip, building healthy self-care habits is crucial to maintaining your ability to be present and safe while raising your grandkids. Your efforts to create a healthy environment for your grandkids to heal and thrive will be for naught if you cannot be with them to enjoy it. Burn-out and fatigue will prevent you from that engaged presence.

Ask yourself what feeds your spirit and makes you feel like “you.” Think about both practical and emotional care when asking yourself these questions. Then, create a plan and go for it! If the idea of self-care stumps you, consider one of these to get you started:

  • Schedule weekly grocery deliveries
  • Take a weekly hike
  • Joining a book club
  • Hire a housecleaning service
  • Learn how to garden
  • Singing in the community choir
  • Batch, cook, and stock the freezer once a month
  • Join a gym or yoga studio
  • Journal every night
  • Take painting classes

The point is to keep yourself at the top of your “to-do” list. Prioritizing your health and well-being enables you to be at your best for these precious grandkids who need you.

4. Focus on clear communication and transparency.

With birth parents

Admittedly, it might be the most challenging of our tips to implement, especially if the child you are raising is your adult child’s child. However, it is as vital to your mental and emotional health as it is to your grandchild’s health. When interacting with your grandchildren’s parent(s), be open, honest, and straightforward. Our resource page, Working with Birth Parents for the Child’s Best Interest, can help you identify challenges and gain specific tools for working through those challenges.

If you are having trouble navigating these relationships, contact a caseworker or a trusted third party, such as a clergy member or counselor.

With school

Working on clear, open communication with the child’s educational team is also crucial. You will all need to work together to help the child succeed in school. Many kids who have experienced the losses your grandkids are facing will struggle in school and their new home life. The school can support you in supporting this child. However, they need you to keep them in the loop about what is happening at home and how it affects them at school. Your grandchild needs you to advocate for how home and school can work together to support them best.

5. Have fun while raising grandkids!

Finally, one of the most important things to remember is that your grandchild (or nephew or cousin) needs the joy and simplicity of childhood restored. Find activities that make you laugh together while building your attachment bond. Take time to relax and unwind together. Learn a new hobby or create a weekly tradition you all look forward to. Both you and the children in your care will experience tremendous healing when you carve out time to revel in child-like joy and wonder again. One word of caution: this intentional act of seeking joy is addictive!

Remember that playing together might look different now as a grandparent (or great-aunt, etc.) than when your children were young. That’s okay — buckle up and enjoy the ride. When you let your grandchildren lead the way in exploring things that bring the fun factor up a notch, you will feel the glue of joy and laughter pulling you all together to stick tight.

Image Credits: cottonbro studio (Title Image and article image #1); RDNE Stock project