Raising a tween or teen in today’s digital world presents new challenges for caregivers, especially when it comes to managing screen time, navigating social media, and staying safe online. Whether this child has lived with you for a long time or has recently come to live with you and hasn’t had limits before, it can feel tough to set new expectations. But you are not alone, and it’s never too late to learn safe online habits.

Using Technology Wisely

When you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or another relative stepping into a caregiving role, the task of managing screen use and teaching online safety can feel like navigating a new and unfamiliar world. Your grandchild, nephew, or niece needs your guidance and support. And you need some guidance to guide them.

1. Start with Honest, Respectful Conversations

If your tween or teen hasn’t had screen time rules before, begin by having an open conversation. Let them know your goal is to keep them safe and support their development—not to control them.

Say something like:

“I know you may be used to doing things a certain way, but while you’re living here, we’re going to set up some new routines so we both know what to expect.”

Ask open-ended questions like:

  • “What do you like to do on your phone or computer?”
  • “Are there any apps or games you think are really important?”
  • “Has anything online ever made you feel worried or uncomfortable?”

When young people feel heard and respected, they are more likely to listen to your concerns and follow new guidelines.

2. Create a Family Technology Plan Together

Once you’ve opened the conversation, work together to build a family plan for how your family will use screens and devices. By gaining their collaboration and input, you can help avoid misunderstandings later.

Most family tech plans include several of the following elements:

  • Screen-free times, such as during meals or after bedtime.
  • Limits on non-school screen use (for example, two hours a day).
  • A rule that homework must be finished before video games or social media.
  • What types of games, websites, and apps are okay—and which aren’t.
  • How and when devices will be checked.

It may help your tween or teen if you write the rules down together and post them in a visible location.

3. Support Safe and Smart School Technology Use

Technology is a big part of your relative child’s school experience in almost every grade. Students may use tablets or laptops in class, access assignments through websites, and complete projects using apps like Google Docs or PowerPoint. You should consider asking the teacher at the start of the year what digital tools they will expect students to use.

Then, take some time to familiarize yourself with those tools. Depending on your grandchild’s age and ability to manage themselves online, you can consider adding those apps to your phone or tablet to observe their activities. Some of the school platforms have the option to connect to the students’ accounts.

Additionally, create a quiet space and internet access for homework that you can supervise as needed. Set reasonable screen time boundaries that allow enough time for schoolwork, including time to check what they are doing and why, without being too “in their face.” Maintain an open conversation with them and their teacher about assignments and progress. Finally, be consistent in conveying that using technology for school purposes is different from using it for personal enjoyment. Learning how to manage both is an important skill.

Navigating Challenging Behaviors: Practical Strategies for Families

4. Teach Online Safety and Privacy

It’s a challenging issue for many families to discuss the dangers of the internet. You don’t want to scare your grandchild with talk of pedophiles or pornography if they cannot yet understand the risks or issues that content may present. However, the reality is that most of the time, kids know far more than they want their grandparents to know about the more challenging aspects of their online activity. Additionally, the challenge is that developmentally, most tweens and teens cannot yet fully grasp the long-lasting, far-reaching, and damaging effects of these types of issues.

As their caregiver, you can significantly impact their developing understanding and help them form healthy habits with a few consistent messages. Be more specific with your language as they gain more experience. And model the same behaviors you are asking from them here.

  • Never give out personal details like address, phone number, or where we attend school
  • Don’t share or post private photos or videos
  • Never meet someone in person whom we only know online
  • How to recognize scams, bullying, or inappropriate content
  • Identify one or two safe, trusted adults to talk to when/if they feel unsafe

Ensure you also understand how the privacy settings work on their apps and devices. Your local phone store often has staff who are happy to help you learn and practice using your device. Teach your grandchild how to block and report users when needed.

5. Understand Peer Pressure and Social Influence

As tweens and teens return to school, they may feel pressure to be on social media or use certain apps or games to fit in with friends. They might compare their screen use to others or worry about being left out. You can help them process these situations in several ways.

  • Talk openly about how social media can sometimes create stress or unrealistic expectations.
  • Encourage activities that build real-life and in-person friendships through sports, art, music, theater, or volunteering.
  • Remind them that it’s okay to say no or take breaks from online spaces.
  • Let them know that you understand the importance of staying connected, but also recognize the need to stay safe and balanced.

6. Set Healthy Boundaries Around Screens

One of the best things you can do is create screen time limits that support your whole family’s mental and physical health, including:

  • No devices at the dinner table or during family time.
  • All phones and tablets are charged outside the bedroom at night.
  • Encourage breaks from screens every 30–60 minutes.
  • Encourage at least 1 hour of physical activity each day.
  • Emphasize and support healthy sleep habits as a family-wide priority.

If they resist, stay calm and firm. Let them know the goal is to help them sleep better, stay focused, and feel more balanced—not to punish them.

7. Use Technology to Stay Connected with Birth Parents (If Appropriate)

Many children in kinship care still want a relationship with their birth parents. If contact is allowed and safe, technology can make that easier. However, if this child has one, check with the caseworker or legal team before setting up contact. Make sure the connection helps the child feel safe and supported—not confused or upset.

  • Schedule regular video calls using Zoom, Google Meet, or FaceTime.
  • Help them send messages, emails, or photos.
  • Be present during calls if needed for emotional support and safety.

More on Handling Social Media & Birth Family Contact

8. Be a Role Model with Your Own Screen Use

Kids and teens pay more attention to what you do than what you say. If they see you constantly using your phone or watching TV, they will likely follow that behavior.

Model what you want to see by trying to put down your phone during meals or conversations. Discuss your own screen habits, such as limiting screen time or recognizing when your brain and body need a break. When you demonstrate mindfulness around your own online habits, you can help create a more balanced environment for everyone.

9. Know Where to Go for Help and Support

The most important lesson in all of this is that you do not have to figure it all out on your own. You can enjoy the support and camaraderie of a support community where others understand what you are trying to learn and do for your tween or teen grandchild. Please start with the CreatingaFamily.org online community or reach out to tracy@creatingafamily.org to learn about our kinship-specific online meetings.

Additionally, these resources can help you stay informed.

Focus on Connection, Not Control

Setting screen time rules and online safety guidelines isn’t just about control—it’s about building trust and connection with the child you are caring for. Your consistency, care, and willingness to learn alongside your tween or teen make all the difference. Even if they push back now, your guidance helps them build healthy habits that last a lifetime.

Image Credits: Katerina Holmes; Tima Miroshnichenko; olia danilevich