Kinship Toolkits

Welcoming a grandchild, niece, nephew, or other relative child into your home can happen suddenly and feel overwhelming. You may be worried about the child’s safety, behavior, school needs, legal situation, or relationship with their parents—and unsure where to begin. These resources offer clear, practical information to help you understand your options, find support, create stability, and care for both the child and yourself. You do not have to have all the answers right away, and you do not have to do this alone.

What Do Kinship Care Legal Terms Mean & How Can I Find the Right Legal Path for My Family?

When you are raising a relative’s child, who has legal custody matters. You may be caring for the child outside the child welfare system, sometimes called “informal” kinship care, or the child may have been placed with you through foster care or another child welfare case. If you are caring for the child without a court order, you may have physical custody but not the legal right to make some decisions about school, health care, or other important needs. If the child is in foster care, the child welfare agency may still have legal custody even though the child lives with you. A court can give a relative caregiver legal custody or guardianship so they have clearer authority to care for the child.

Common legal terms in kinship care

Voluntary Kinship Placement Agreements:

Child protective services (also known as DCFS, DSS, or DCF) nationwide use short-term, voluntary agreements during active investigations to place a child with a relative or safe caregiver instead of immediately removing them into formal foster care. These are known by various names including temporary parental safety agreements, voluntary safety plans, out-of-home safety plans, or voluntary kinship placement agreements. This allows a relative to care for the child for a short time during the investigation. If the child cannot safely go home, the agency may place the child in foster care. A relative is often asked to keep caring for the child, with or without a foster care license.

Custody or Guardianship:

Custody and guardianship are not the same in every state, and sometimes the terms overlap. Both can give a relative caregiver the legal authority to make important decisions for a child without becoming the child’s adoptive parent. Parents usually keep some parental rights, although exactly what those rights are, and how custody or guardianship can later be changed, depends on state law and the type of court order. If you think the child will stay with you for a long time, it may be helpful to talk with a family law attorney or kinship navigator about which option gives your family the right balance of stability, decision-making authority, family connections, and access to supports. Kinship navigator programs are available in many states and can help caregivers find local resources and services.

Adoption:

Adoption may be an option when a relative child cannot safely return to their parents and needs a permanent family. When an adoption is finalized, you become the child’s legal parent, with the same rights and responsibilities as any other parent. Before this can happen, the child’s parents must agree to give up their parental rights or a court must end those rights (termination of parental rights or TPR). Adoption is different from custody or guardianship because it is meant to be permanent.

Adoption can bring stability and security, but it is also a big change for a child and the whole family. A child may gain a legal parent while still loving, missing, or feeling connected to their parents and other relatives. When it is safe and healthy, keeping important family, cultural, and community connections can help children understand their story and identity. Adoption may also change the financial help or other benefits your family can receive. Because laws and supports are different in each state, ask questions and learn what adoption would mean for your family before making a decision.

Finding an attorney

A lawyer can help you understand your choices when you are raising a relative’s child. They can explain options such as custody, guardianship, or adoption, help you understand benefits your family may qualify for, and represent you in court. Who provides legal help depends on your role in the case and the laws in your state. A Guardian ad Litem (GAL) attorney usually speaks for the child, and parents may qualify for a court-appointed attorney. Kinship caregivers usually need to find their own attorney. If the child cannot safely return home and the child welfare agency is involved, the agency’s attorney may handle the legal steps needed for guardianship, custody, or adoption. If you need your own lawyer, look for someone who works in family law, adoption, or kinship care and ask about their experience with cases like yours.

If paying for a lawyer is hard, ask about a lower fee, payment plan, sliding-scale fee, or limited legal services, where a lawyer helps with only part of your case. You can also look for legal aid programs, law school clinics, mediation services, or other free and low-cost legal help in your state. If you are a Native parent or relative caregiver, there are also resources created with Native families in mind. The National Indian Child Welfare Association (NICWA) offers information for families involved with the child welfare system. You can learn more about legal assistance for Native kinship and grandfamilies here.

Additional Resources

Find Your State’s Chart for Comparing Guardianship vs Adoption

How Can I Co-Parent Safely When a Child’s Parent Struggles With Addiction or Mental Health Challenges?

Raising your grandchild, niece, nephew, or other relative child probably wasn’t on your list of life goals. But now you are stepping in to help. Co-parenting with someone who struggles with addiction or mental health challenges can be stressful. Still, when co-parenting works well, it can help everyone.

Good co-parenting helps children feel less stuck in the middle. It can reduce conflict about visits, communication, and decisions. It also gives children more stability, safety, and support. When you handle hard situations with care and patience, you teach children healthy ways to cope.

These tips can help make co-parenting easier

1. Learn about addiction and mental health. 

Addiction is a disease. Many people struggle with substance use disorders. Mental health disorders are also real health challenges, not signs of weakness. You may feel hurt, angry, embarrassed, or disappointed about your adult child’s struggles. Those feelings are normal. But learning about addiction and mental health can help you respond with empathy and understanding.

Don’t blame yourself. You cannot change the past, but you can encourage your child to get help.
Encourage treatment. Talk when they are sober. Speak with concern, not blame.
Don’t enable. Allow them to face the results of their choices.
Take care of yourself. Support groups, therapy, and programs like Al-Anon Family Groups or Nar-Anon can help.

Showing empathy does not mean excusing unsafe behavior. It means choosing compassion while still protecting the child.

2. Set healthy boundaries.

Children often still love and miss their parents, even when those parents are struggling. Supporting that relationship in safe ways can help children heal.

Set clear rules for visits, calls, and contact.
Stay flexible when it is safe and allowed.
Do not allow visits if a parent is impaired.
Ask a trusted adult, caseworker, or other support person to help when needed.
Have a backup plan in case a visit must be canceled.
Check in with the parent before visits to decide if the visit should happen.

Clear boundaries help children feel safe and secure.

3. Support the child and yourself.

Children feel safer when life is predictable. Routines, traditions, and regular schedules can help. Therapy, art, journaling, and role-playing can also help children work through their feelings. Some children may worry that they will “turn out like” their parents. Remind them that their parents’ struggles are not their fault or their future. Guide them toward healthy choices and support. You also need support. Take breaks when possible. Ask friends or family for help. Support groups and counseling can make a big difference.

4. Work together for the child.

You do not have to do this alone. Teachers, therapists, caseworkers, extended family members, and community programs can all help support the child. Most importantly, listen to the child. Let them share their feelings, worries, and hopes. Work together to make decisions that support their needs and safety. A child who feels heard, loved, and safe is better able to handle hard situations and complicated family relationships.

You’ve got this.

Children are often separated from their parents because of serious challenges like addiction or mental health struggles. While you cannot fix those problems, you can provide love, safety, and stability.

By learning, setting healthy boundaries, and caring for yourself, you are helping this child heal and grow. Your steady support can make a lasting difference. 

Additional Resources

Why Is My Relative Child’s Behavior So Challenging & What Can I Do to Help?

Many caregivers raising children with challenging behaviors often wonder, “Why is this so hard?” “Why is my grandchild (or niece or nephew) acting like this?” To answer these questions, it helps to understand what may have happened in a child’s early life—and how it shaped their brain and behavior. Understanding the “why” behind the behavior is the first step in helping your relative’s child heal and thrive. 

5 Tips to Address Challenging Behaviors in Your Relative’s Child 

1. Understand brain differences. 

Many children raised by relatives have experienced trauma. This may include abuse, neglect, violence, or being separated from caregivers. Trauma can change how a child’s brain and body work. It may keep the brain in “survival mode,” making it harder for children to learn, trust others, and manage emotions. Children may act out, shut down, or seem extra sensitive because they are trying to feel safe. Some children may also have prenatal substance exposure. Prenatal substance exposure happens when a child is exposed to alcohol, drugs, or other harmful substances before birth. This can affect brain development, even if problems are not seen at birth. Later, children may struggle with attention, emotions, sensory needs, or impulse control. These challenges are sometimes mistaken for ADHD, Autism, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

2. Behavior is communication. 

Children who have experienced trauma or prenatal substance exposure may show difficult or confusing behaviors. Often, these behaviors are signs that something does not feel right inside. Brain differences (“neurodivergence”) are not good or bad—they are simply different. Children may need different parenting approaches and support. Focus on the child in front of you and the skills they still need to learn. Sometimes children are not refusing to do something—they may not be able to do it yet. Stay curious about what the behavior is trying to say. With safety, support, and caring relationships, healing is possible.

3. Connection comes before correction.

Before correcting behavior, build a strong connection so your child feels safe and trusts you. Children learn best when they feel calm and secure. Connection helps children feel valued and understood, which makes it easier to guide behavior. Create a safe and calm home environment. Small things can feel overwhelming to children who have experienced trauma. Pay attention to sensory needs like noise, light, touch, smells, and tastes because these can affect behavior. Consistent routines also help children feel safe. Regular times for meals, homework, and bedtime can lower stress and help children know what to expect. Spend time having fun together and notice your child’s strengths. Focusing on what they do well builds confidence and resilience.

4. Help children learn to calm their emotions.

Meltdowns like screaming, crying, or shutting down can feel exhausting. For many children with trauma histories, these moments are not simply bad behavior. They are stress responses. When children feel overwhelmed, they cannot think clearly. To help children stay calm:

Create a calm space with comforting items where your child can relax.
Keep routines simple and avoid too many choices.
Notice needs early, like hunger, tiredness, or overstimulation.
Practice calming skills during peaceful moments, such as:

When meltdowns happen, try to stay calm and give your child space if needed. Focus on reconnecting afterward. Your calm presence helps your child feel safe and supported. Over time, these moments can become chances for healing and growth.

5. Take care of yourself and your family. 

What you are doing is not easy. Give yourself and your family grace. Ask for help when you need it, whether from friends, family members, support groups, or a therapist. To find out more about the online support group through Creating a Family, email tracy@creatingafamily.org. 

Your calm actions teach children important skills. When you model deep breathing, taking breaks, or calming yourself, you show children healthy ways to cope. You cannot care for others well if you are running on empty, so self-care matters.

How Can I Build a Support Network That Understands Kinship Care & Offers Practical Help?

Your support network should include people and organizations. They should give you emotional strength. They should also give you practical assistance and a sense of belonging. You need people who will remind you that you’re not alone. And you need others to cheer you on. But how do you build that network? Here are some ideas. 

Tips for Creating a Community of Support

1. Ask professionals. 

Check with your agency or caseworker. Ask your child’s teacher or school counselor. Talk with your healthcare providers, especially about mental health support.

2. Research online organizations. 

Explore if your state offers a kinship navigator program.
Family Resource Centers are welcoming places where families can find free or low-cost services, programs, and support. More than 3,000 centers serve communities across the country.
Big Brothers/Big Sisters can match your child with a mentor.
Area Agencies on Aging – Relative caregivers age 55 or older may qualify for support groups, training, service navigation, respite care, and other help through the National Family Caregiver Support Program.
If you are working with a child welfare agency, ask your caseworker about support groups, local programs, and other services for kinship caregivers. They may be able to connect you with help in your area

3. Lean on friends, family, neighbors, and faith communities.

Most people want to be helpers, but they don’t always know exactly what to do. Don’t be afraid to specify what you need. Ask someone to give your grandchild a ride to or from practice. Ask a friend to meet for coffee to discuss a dilemma. Ask for a meal to put in the freezer. These are all supports that can make a big difference. Churches often offer programs or can help you find what you need. For example, they may offer regular “parents’ nights out.” These typically include structured and supervised activities for kids. This can give you a much-deserved break.

4. Find a support group.

Connecting with others in similar situations can be very helpful. Find those who understand kinship care. Look for in-person or online support groups for kinship caregivers. Find out more about AARP, Generations United, or grandfamilies.org. Your local Department of Family Services may have resources. Email info@creatingafamily.org to learn more about the Creating a Family online kinship group.

Additional Resources

How Can I Help My Relative Use Technology Safely While Building Trust and Healthy Screen Habits?

Kids ages 8 to 18 in the U.S. spend over seven hours a day on screens. Your relative may come to your home without much past supervision online. Research shows that tweens and teens do best with limits—about two hours a day for fun screen time, with plenty of daily physical activity mixed into the routine. Still, screens are also how they stay in touch with friends.

At first, focus on building trust and helping your relative feel safe. Strict rules alone won’t teach safe habits. Make changes slowly and talk openly. Here are some simple tips to help you manage phones and computers.

Tips for Helping Your Relative Use Technology

1. Think about why they use screens.

Watch how your relative uses screens and talk about it. Technology can help with school, learning, and staying connected. It can also be fun. But too much scrolling, unsafe content, or talking to strangers can be risks. For video games, check age ratings to guide your choices. Stay involved so your relative can use technology safely.

2. Learn about their apps.

Get to know the apps your relative uses, like YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. Use safety settings when you can. Ask your relative to show you how the apps work. This can help you connect and teach at the same time. Talk about AI, too. Teach them to question what they see, protect their privacy, and use good judgment.

3. Set rules and keep them safe.

Make clear, simple rules about screen use. Show good habits by how you use your own devices.

Set limits and simple boundaries.
Try screen-free times or spaces if you can.
Keep talking. Ask what they like online and how it makes them feel.
Teach them to trust their feelings. If something seems wrong, they should tell you.
You can use tools like Bark, Circle, or Qustodio to help monitor use.

Be honest with your relative. Let them know you are learning too. Tell them you will check their online activity to help keep them safe. When you work together, they feel heard and respected.

4. Watch for warning signs.

Too much social media use can be linked to feeling sad or down.

Lonely feelings: online time can’t replace real-life friendships.
Less activity: more screen time can mean less exercise, which affects mood.
Sleep problems: late-night screen use can make it hard to sleep.

Pay attention to changes in mood, schoolwork, or friends. If something seems off, ask questions and listen.

Additional Resources

How Can I Help My Relative Child Get the Right School Support Through an IEP or 504 Plan?

Your relative child has likely faced many challenges. This may make learning and behavior at school more difficult. More than 1 in 10 public school students has an IEP, or Individualized Education Plan. Children separated from their birth parents are even more likely to receive a disability diagnosis. 

IEPs and 504 Plans

1. What is an IEP? 

An IEP (Individualized Education Plan) is a federally funded program. It outlines special education services and supports for students who need help. Schools must follow the plan and protect students’ and parents’ rights. Children can qualify at age three. Early intervention services can be a forerunner. IEPs continue until graduation or age 22. In high school, IEPs include transition planning for adulthood. To get an IEP, a child is tested to see if a disability affects learning.

2. How do I know if my child qualifies for an IEP? 

If your child has a hard time in school, talk with their teacher. You can request special education testing by emailing the teacher, principal, and director or supervisor of special education services for your district. However, caregivers should notify their DSS social worker or licensing/provider agency before requesting or scheduling an IEP meeting. While you are meeting your relative’s daily needs, you may not have legal guardianship, and the guardian’s consent may be required for IEP decisions. Including the appropriate agency early helps coordinate the process and avoid delays. When notifying them, describe your concerns and give examples of the child’s struggles. You should also list their strengths and share any outside diagnoses. When contacting the school, email is best because it makes a record. Schools have 90 days to reply. Call in a few days to confirm they received your request. For a sample referral letter, click here.

3. What can I expect with an IEP?

An IEP may give students tools to help them learn. These tools are called accommodations. Accommodations do not change what the student needs to learn. Examples include:

Presentation: how information is given
Setting: where learning happens
Timing: when learning occurs
Response: how learning is shown

Accommodations support how a student learns, and both IEPs and 504 Plans can provide them. Modifications, however, change what a student learns. These are only offered through an IEP, not a 504 Plan. IEPs also provide individualized special education instruction. 504 Plans do not include special teaching. IEPs may also include services that support how this child learns. Examples are speech or occupational therapy and transportation. Caregivers attend regular meetings. It helps to keep organized records. If meetings feel overwhelming, bring a trusted person or advocate for support.

4. What is a 504 plan?

Some children who do not get an IEP can get a 504 Plan. This plan does not include special teaching or changing the curriculum. It gives help for students with a disability that affects something important in daily life. The plan often means sitting in a good spot or more time on tests. It could also include flexible attendance or special devices. Examples of these disabilities may include ADHD, diabetes, epilepsy, and some learning disabilities.

5. What are other ways I can support my relative child’s education?

Work with teachers. Reach out regularly with a friendly message. Keep the conversation going. Share important details about your child’s needs.
Stay involved: Volunteer and go to school events. Talk often with teachers to help your child.
Handle homework problems. Talk with teachers and change homework goals if needed. The National PTA says students should have about 10 minutes of homework per grade each night. Kids with learning challenges might need less.
Create routines: Use the same morning and evening schedules. This can help your child feel ready for each school day.
Encourage a love of learning. Show your own curiosity. Remind your child that they can get better at things with practice.
Support changes: Talk about things like starting a new grade or a new school. Do this before they happen.
Help your child make friends. Set up play dates and activities with other kids.
Celebrate strengths. Praise your child’s hard work and successes. This can help them feel confident and strong