adoptee's feelings on being adopted

A recurring theme here at Creating a Family is that not all adoptees are alike. No one person can speak to the universe of all adopted people. When seeking to understand adopted people’s feelings about being adopted, it helps to listen to many voices.

This poem we received as a comment on our blog, How Adoptees Feel About Being Adopted, literally took my breath away. With her permission, I am so very pleased to be able to share one adoptee’s feelings on being adopted.

I’m Adopted

I’m adopted…but I constantly find myself lost. In a crowd of a million people I’m searching for those who look like me.

I’m adopted…yet my search is never over for information pertaining to my heritage. All the family traditions I lost of my biological family.

I’m adopted….I look at those around me posting adoption posts and struggle to be happy for them as new parents. My first thoughts are…”oh my, this poor baby had no voice in this.” This baby will constantly have to do school projects based off their adoptive family when the point is to find what you inherited biologically from your parents. THIS BABY will grow up with issues he/she doesn’t understand…and their parents may not either.

I’m adopted and I struggle connecting with my adoptive mom on pregnancy related issues. She’s never experienced it…so when I talk about it…it makes her sad. So I close down and don’t talk about it.

I’m adopted…and until I was pregnant myself and gave birth…I had no idea what that biological bond meant…or felt like. I didn’t even realize what I had missed out on my entire life until this very moment of creating a tiny human myself.

I’m adopted and I can’t EVEN GET PAPERWORK RELATING TO ME RELEASED TO ME. Even as an adult I can’t get pre-adoption papers. Like did I not exist??

I’m adopted and when I finally get the paperwork from the state telling businesses that they have to release documents to me…I get questioned in a million in one ways….why I want these papers.

I’m adopted and am tired of being portrayed like a gift. Told I should be lucky and blessed when I try to talk about my experience.

I’m adopted….excuse me? When did I say I wasn’t blessed or lucky? This doesn’t erase what I mentally go through.

I’m adopted….I have problems enjoying people for fear they will leave me. Sometimes I push them to leave me just because I don’t feel worthy enough for them.

I’m adopted…and while I may have been “chosen” I was simultaneously “rejected”…while they could have been legit reasons…it doesn’t take away from the fact that I wasn’t kept. There aren’t enough programs in place to help struggling expectant mothers.

I’m adopted…and at 28 I’m just now learning about my heritage and where my biological mother’s family came from.

I’m adopted….and although I found information on my birth…it opened the door for even more questions….Like who is my father really? Why he is not on my live birth but he somehow signed off his rights to me??

I’m adopted…and somewhere around the age of 8 my paternal adoptive grandmother made sure I knew she wasn’t my real grandmother. But she also made sure I knew how lucky I was to have her love me. That’s love right??

I’m adopted…I love my adoptive parents with all my heart and honestly wouldn’t change much EXCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY WERE MY BIOLOGICAL PARENTS AND I NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THE MENTAL ANGST.

I’m adopted…I love my Birth mother no matter her flaws and decisions.

I’m adopted… I have a giant family, blood and non-blood related.

I’m adopted…just wanting to have my voice heard

I’m adopted…I want all sides to be shared and give the innocent a voice.

I’m adopted… I’ve had a good life…

I’m adopted and want to uncover my truths.

I’m adopted…I remain adopted as I age and as much as adoption defines me, it’s not who I am.

I’m adopted and yeah…I go through a lot of confusing and contradicting feelings.

~Kathryn Alyssa

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