How Adoptees Feel About Being Adopted

Dawn Davenport

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In honor of National Adoption Day, BuzzFeed presents this really wonderful video of adult adoptees talking about their experience with adoption! Watching it will make your day.

I smiled all the way down to my toes as I watched this video. I feel like it has become my mission to help people realize that there is no one adoptee experience. Each adopted person has different feeling about the experience and often has mixed feelings. How could this not be the case?!? Humans are far too complex to sum up their feelings about a complex issue, such as adoption, with a simple declarative sentence using one adjective.

Here is a sample of some of the comments from other adoptees that have been left on this video.

As an adopted person I hhhhhhate it when people ask me if I’ve ever met my ‘real’ parents. Of course I met my real parents, I saw them practically every day when they were raising me and until I moved out on my own.

I only remember that I’m adopted when someone sees my brother’s pic and say” why is your brother white?” and with a smile on my face I always answer ” cause I’m adopted ” .
That’s the only difference between me and my family, cause they never did anything to make me feel different from them.

 

I was adopted and it was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

I’m adopted, and I’ve never been made to feel like an outsider. My parents told me they didn’t adopt me, but chose me. I also know my birth mother had to make probably the hardest and most selfless decision of her life by putting me up for adoption.

I love that I was adopted!!

I’m adopted and I plan to adopt. Being chosen is something I could never forget!

I can’t figure out if this video is for or against adoption…mixed messages. I’m adopted and I wasn’t ripped away from my country, I was chosen by 2 wonderful people who loved me and who are my parents. I was abandoned at birth so will never know my biological parents nor do I care. I’m special because I was adopted.

I’m adopted and I couldn’t care less about this video.

…My family IS my real family. Don’t know what the woman in the glasses meant, but she seems to have some issues about her adoption. I don’t think this video reflects the attitudes of many adoptees. … I was never upset about my adoption. I remember being as young as kinder & 1st grade aged telling my classmates I was adopted. I actually felt lucky to be. My birth mom did the most loving thing any parent could do. Give me the best life possible. I always felt lucky.

I’m adopted but it doesn’t effect me or define me. I’ve had people insist I have emotional and psychological issues from being “abandoned” by my “real” mom. Unfortunately for their theory I have absolutely no problem with being adopted and I think my “real” mom was extremely selfless and brave for putting me up for adoption because she was 16 and couldn’t give me the life I deserved.

If you’re adopted, what are your thoughts on the experience and on this video?

23/11/2015 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Adoption, Adoption Blog, Blog | 7 Comments



7 Responses to How Adoptees Feel About Being Adopted

  1. Paige Adams Strickland says:

    I agree there are many sides from the adoptee’s POV re being an adopted person, no matter how perfect your A-parents are/were and no matter what you were told about your 1st past. Thank you to this site for posting the non-ranibow perspective. I had a great experience, and ya know what? I still felt the call to search and reunite. I had too many unanswered questions. I had to know more facts about myself, and being in a place where you do not have these facts, ( even some of these facts) really sucks. It makes you feel not whole and abnormal, isolated, weird and wanting honest answers to the question, “What happened?” I found out I was not “abandoned”. My adoption was planned in advance because my single-mom birth mother was too sick and needed surgery. (not genetic) I did not have Adoptive family members make comments about me not being blood so thankfully I did not have to deal with that issue, but I know that does happen to others.

    • Tracy Whitney Tracy Whitney says:

      Thanks, Paige, for sharing your own story. I love what you said that being in a place where you have more questions than answers sucks. When I read words like that from adoptees who, like you, share so eloquently, it helps me remember to think about my own daughters’ stories from their POV when I’m feeling “stuck” on how to talk with them when they process out loud. I appreciate the reminders like yours to listen and sit with the questions with them.

  2. Katie says:

    I’m adopted…but I constantly find myself lost. In a crowd of a million people I’m searching for those who look like me.

    I’m adopted…yet my search is never over for I formation pertaining to my heritage. All the Christmas traditions I lost of my blood family.

    I’m adopted….I look at those around me posting adoption posts and struggle to be happy for them as new parents. My first thoughts are…oh my this poor baby had no voice in this. This baby will constantly have to do school projects based off their adoptive family when the point is to find what you inheritafed biologically from your parents. THIS BABY will grow up with issues he/she doesn’t understand…and their parents may not either.

    I’m adopted and I struggle connecting with my adoptive mom on pregnancy related issues. She’s never experienced it…so when I talk about it…it makes her sad. So I close down and don’t talk about it.

    I’m adopted and I can’t EVEN GET PAPERWORK RELATING TO ME RELEASED TO ME. EVEN as an adult I can’t get pre adoption papers. Like did I not exist??

    I’m adopted and when I finally get the paperwork from the state telling business that they have to release documents to me…I get questioned in a million in one ways….why I want these papers.

    I’m adopted and am tired of being portrayed like a gift. Told I should be lucky and blessed when I try to talk about my experience…

    I’m adopted….excuse me? When did I say I wasn’t blessed or lucky? This doesn’t erase what I mentally go through.

    I’m adopted….I have problems enjoying people for fear they will leave me. Some times I push them to leave me just because I don’t feel worthy enough for them.

    I’m adopted…and while I may have been “chosen” I was simultaneously “rejected”…while they could have been legit reasons…it doesn’t take away from the fact that I wasn’t kept. There aren’t enough programs in place to help struggling expectant mothers.

    I’m adopted…and at 28 I’m just now learning about my heritage and where my biological mothers family came from.

    I’m adopted….and although I found I formation on my birth…it opened the door for even more questions….Like who is my father really? Why is he not on my live birth but he somehow signed off his rights to me??

    I’m adopted…and somewhere around the age of 8 my parental adoptive grandmother made sure I knew she wasn’t my real grandmother. But she also made sure I knew how lucky I was to have her love me. That’s love right??

    I’m adopted…I love my adoptive parents with all my heart and honestly wouldn’t change much EXCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY WERE MY BIOLOGICAL PARENTS AND I NEVER HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THE MENTAL AGNST.

    I’m adopted and I love my Birth mother no matter her flaws.

    I’m adopted and yeah….I go through a lot of confusing contradicting feelings.

    • Katie says:

      I’m so sorry for the horrible grammar and such on my phone if I could edit it I would but can’t find an edit button. Lol

    • Dawn Davenport Dawn Davenport says:

      Thank you Katie. I’ve sent you an email to ask permission to use this as a blog post to give it further exposure.

  3. Lisa says:

    Only quotes praising and zero negative effects of being adopted. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows… just ask me I’m an adoptee.
    Ask me how I feel about abandonment
    Ask me how I feel about family members saying I’m not blood.
    Ask me how I feel about the absence of medical records.
    Ask me how I feel about rejection
    Ask me about the opposite feelings of chosen
    Ask me about my feelings of my birthday
    Ask me about so many questions and little to no answers… who am I, where did I come from, why didn’t they keep me

    Yes I was loved by my adoptive parents, but it doesn’t erase the other feelings.

    The not so Hallmark/ Pinterest worthy answer
    But I think truthfully if you are ready to adopt you should be ready to love your child through the messy feelings also.
    #adoptiondoesntalwaysrock

    • Dawn Davenport Dawn Davenport says:

      Thanks Lisa for your comment. So, let me ask you: How do you feel about abandonment, family members saying your not blood… Please answer your questions for us. I truly would like to hear your voice. You are right, love doesn’t erase the bad feelings and also right that parents should be ready to love through the messy feelings as well as the “good” feeling.

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