Welcoming a foster child into your home can be exciting, overwhelming, and frightening – for all of you! Caring for another person’s child while supporting their parents to heal and return to parenting is a significant responsibility. When reunification is not an option for this child, and your family considers adoption, it can also be exciting and terrifying, but in a different way. If you plan to adopt from foster care, there are a few things you should consider.

Preparing to Adopt From Foster Care

Many families join the foster system to be a safe landing place for a child who needs a stable home. That safe space is often necessary for a short time while the child’s parents work on a plan for stability and healing. Whether this child needs you because the parents are struggling with a substance abuse disorder, joblessness, homelessness, or because they lack parenting skills to be successful, you can make a significant impact on the future of this family in crisis.

However, sometimes, children cannot return home safely, and the foster system changes the goal to permanency outside the child’s original home. When you adopt from foster care, even if this child has been in your home for a while already, there are things you can do to prepare each of you for the experience. Moving from foster care to adoption includes a lot of change for everyone, but especially for this child. Your preparations can buffer the experience for this child and smooth the transition for you all.

1. Know the Process.

Education

The length of time between applying to become foster parents and welcoming a new child to your home can vary greatly depending on the circumstances of the child’s case. However, most of the time, the wait can be a while. Many factors influence the waiting time, including the licensing process. Every state requires training to become licensed as a foster care provider. The education process typically involves about 30 hours of training, depending upon your state and agency requirements, and may occur in person, virtually, or some combination of the two. Along with the training, you will also need to participate in a home study, which includes a physical assessment of your home to address safety concerns, appropriate space for a child, medical clearances, interviews about your family, and more.

Goals

You must go into this process with the understanding that the primary goal for a child in foster care is reunification with their birth family. You should prepare for co-parenting, quickly changing circumstances, and feelings of loss if the child you foster returns home. It’s only when a child cannot return safely home that parental rights are terminated, and the child is legally eligible for adoption. It’s reasonable to prepare yourself to foster several children before one of them is eligible for adoption.

ICPC

It is possible to adopt a child from another state’s foster system. However, that process will involve additional paperwork and take more time. You can prepare for this possibility by studying the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, or ICPC, which governs the placement of children from one state into another.

2. Find the Right Match.

While preparing your home and learning about the needs of foster children, take time to also talk with your partner and family. Examine your intentions and expectations for adopting a child from foster care. Ask yourselves these types of questions:

  • Is maintaining birth order within your family a priority?
  • Do you have more experience or comfort with a particular age, gender, or ethnicity of child? (Here’s our little plug: even if you have an age, etc. preference, try to remain open to all types of children. You never know who you’ll fall in love with! Instead, base your match on the temperament and personality of a child.)
  • Can you meet the needs of a child who identifies as LGBTQ+?
  • Are you prepared for a sibling group?
  • Could you welcome a teen? (Teens have the right to consent or dissent to adoption, so are you prepared to build a connection with them that goes both ways?)
  • What special needs do you feel equipped to handle? Can you advocate at school, doctor’s offices, etc.?
  • Have you learned about the impacts of prenatal substance exposure?

Many states and agencies offer matching events. You can also review websites like the Heart Gallery of America, AdoptUSKids, or Wendy’s Wonderful Kids.

Another way to find the right match is to network with social workers and foster professionals in your circles. Let them know your availability and desires. Consider creating a one-page informational sheet about your family, what you can offer, and what type of child you seek. 

3. Understand the Common Special Needs.

All children in foster care have experienced trauma – by the very nature of being removed from their homes of origin. Raising a child with needs related to trauma is a different type of parenting than you may have explored before. Trauma-informed parenting focuses on understanding the impacts trauma has on a child’s developing brain and how to meet the needs the trauma created.

It’s also very common for children in the foster system to have experienced prenatal substance exposure. The impacts of exposure in utero to alcohol and drugs can be wide-ranging in severity and longevity. Many kids with prenatal exposure struggle with emotional and behavioral challenges, learning difficulties, and neurodiversity, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). When you adopt from foster care, you should prepare for mental health interventions, academic support, and parenting strategies to meet your child’s unique needs.

You can manage many of the impacts of prenatal substance exposure successfully. Some may even lessen over time in a stable, nurturing environment with appropriate services. However, it’s a challenging road for the child, and parents should prepare for the long haul to help the child thrive.

Understanding Prenatal Exposure to Alcohol and Drugs

4. “What if my life isn’t perfect? “

Well, then, you are in good company! Honestly, children in the foster system are not looking for perfect parents. They are looking for welcoming, loving, safe parents. While the exact requirements vary by state, no educational, housing, or income requirements exist to be a foster parent or adopt from foster care. The key is your desire and commitment to offer a child a safe landing place where they will be loved, cared for, and nurtured.

Even if you have a criminal background, if you have no history of child abuse or violent crime, it should not prevent you from fostering or adopting. You must be honest with your caseworker about any charges in your record and how you overcame any problems with the legal system. 

Honesty and transparency also apply to all questions discussed during a home study. Remember that the home study is not a pass/fail scenario with no “right” answers. It’s imperative that you be truthful about yourself and your family. It’s much better to represent your family accurately for a better placement than to sugarcoat your situation. A poor match complicates your process and potentially hurts the child if placement disruption occurs due to the mismatch.

5. Choosing an Agency.

Whether you decide to work with a public or private agency, here are some questions to ask in your interview process:

  • How long have you been placing children in foster care?
  • How many foster children have you placed in homes during the past year? The past two years?
  • What is the average age of the children you are putting in adoptive homes?
  • What is the range of complexity of the children’s special needs that you typically place?
  • How much does it cost to adopt a child from foster care using your agency? (make sure they include the home study, education, post-adoption support, and agency fees to determine the total cost)
  • How long does it take from application to placement?
  • What is your agency’s policy for how soon they must return phone calls or emails?
  • Are you open to accepting calls and emails if we have questions?
  • What type of post-adoption support do you provide?
  • How often are your pre-adoption or foster licensure education classes? Are they offered online, evenings, weekends, etc.?
  • What is your ratio of staff to families?
  • Does the agency hold Human Rights Campaign accreditation? Are they working with any LGBTQ+ youth and families?

6. Transitioning from Foster Care to Adoption.

Try to look at this entire process from your child’s point of view. Even though your family is likely excited about welcoming them into the fold, this child has experienced significant trauma and loss. It may help to slow down the transition process and take smaller steps toward their permanency with you. If the child isn’t living with you, consider short visits to start and lead slowly into longer stays. In this article, we have more tips for easing the transition.

7. Maintain a Connection with the Child’s First Family.

This child’s first family will always be part of who they are. The child will always wonder about them, just as the family always will. Follow your child’s lead in creating positive connections with their birth family. This contact can range from occasionally sending photos, emails, texts, or letters to regular visits. Listen to your child to help them process what they want or need. Recognize that what they are comfortable with may change throughout their life – your responsiveness will help them feel safe to explore what works for them.

The Need is Great!

There are so many children and youth desperately in need of a permanent, stable, loving family. Understanding the process, remaining open and honest about your expectations and what you have to offer, and continuing to educate yourself are all significant keys to experiencing success when you adopt from foster care.

Image Credits: Ivan Samkov; Dziana Hasanbekava; Kaboompics.com; Alex Green