Congratulations! You have matched with an expectant mother. Your agency (or attorney) is busy helping the expectant mom set up her adoption plan, including contact with you and your partner/spouse and obtaining prenatal care. You are excited – understandably so – and committed to preparing well for your possible new addition. But you also know that sometimes expectant mothers change their minds about placement and choose to parent their babies. Are there warning signs that an expectant mom might change her mind?
On a recent show about Adoption Scams, our guests briefly touched on the differences between an adoption scam and an expectant mother who might change her mind about placing her baby. Debora Phillips and Eric Freeby clarified that changing her mind about placement does NOT mean that the expectant mom is or was scamming you.
It can be very tempting as a hopeful waiting parent to assume a scam because, as Debora said, having a placement fail is painful,
And painful, combined with ‘our pocketbook has been hurt’ as well makes it seem like a scam. It’s real common for adoptive parents to instantly decide she’s been scamming them from the get-go…
It is absolutely a pregnant woman’s right to change her mind about placing her child for adoption. After all, it is one of the most significant decisions of her life, and there are many factors to consider for her and her unborn child. We also understand that hopeful adoptive parents don’t want to be taken by surprise by an abrupt change in plans. Particularly when those plans center on finally seeing your adoption dream come true.
So what are the warning signs that an expectant mom could be changing her mind about her original adoption plan?
7 Warning Signs That An Expectant Mother Might Not Place
- There is a lack of – or drop-off in – communication between the expectant mother and the agency (or attorney), or between her and the hopeful adoptive parents.
- She is unwilling to see, to hold, or to be with baby upon birth.
- The expectant mother lies about accessing medical care or about her personal contact information (address, cell phone number, etc.).
- She makes excuses for missed appointments with doctors or the agency or for contact times with hopeful adoptive parents.
- She feels and responds to increased pressure from outside influences. Those pressures could be her family and friends or unexpected interactions during the hospital stay.
- The expectant mother has not told her family about her pregnancy or her adoption plans – particularly her mother.
- She has not informed her regular doctor about her pregnancy.
Deborah also recommended hopeful parents remember that many of these warning signs are things an expectant mom might not anticipate or understand before she walks through the experience of pregnancy. She may also not be able to predict the impact of that pregnancy on her current life, her future, or her family dynamics.
It’s wise to remember that a match is not a placement or adoption. Be careful to know the risks, even while preparing for this potential addition to your family.
Have you had an expectant mom change her mind about her adoption plan? How did you and your partner handle her change of heart?
Image Credit Drew Leavy