If you’re familiar with adoption, foster care, or relative caregiving, you’ve likely heard about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These are difficult or traumatic events a child experiences, like abuse, neglect, or loss. According to the CDC, approximately 64% of U.S. adults report experiencing at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) before turning 18. But here’s some good news: research is expanding to include the power of Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs). These nurturing and encouraging experiences help children heal, build resilience, and grow into healthy, thriving adults — even when they’ve experienced hardship.

The Four Building Blocks of Positive Childhood Experiences

Researchers have identified four key areas that support children’s emotional healing and development. These building blocks provide the foundation for children to thrive, especially those with a history of trauma.

1. Supportive Relationships

Every child, regardless of age, needs consistent and loving relationships. From the moment a relationship begins, caregivers can help build trust through simple, everyday interactions: eye contact, warm smiles, kind words, and physical closeness.

Over time, you can deepen this bond by adding shared experiences, such as laughing over silly cartoons, building LEGO sets, cooking meals together, or teaching them how to ride a bike. These moments send the message that the child is seen, valued, and loved.

As children grow toward young adulthood, relationships with peers and other adults become increasingly important to them. Encourage your kids to build safe connections with teachers, coaches, mentors, or trusted neighbors. These outside relationships offer guidance, foster social skills, and give kids a broader sense of belonging.

Children with trauma histories often carry relationship wounds, but you can help them navigate these with care. For instance, if a child struggles with feelings about a birth parent, avoid joining in their criticism of that birth parent. Instead, help them express their emotions and explore healthy ways to process their feelings about their parent. Your support allows them establish new patterns for safe and trusting relationships.

2. A Safe and Supportive Environment

Safety extends beyond locks on the doors. It also encompasses emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Children need homes where they feel secure, free from constant chaos or fear.

For young children, safety means both protection and the freedom to explore. Create a home where toddlers can touch and learn without needing constant correction. This may involve temporarily storing breakable or valuable items and creating inviting spaces for hands-on play.

For tweens and teens, a “safe space” encompasses both emotional safety and a sense of ownership. Let them have a say about decorating their room, respect their need for some privacy (within reason), and involve them in family decisions when appropriate. Inviting them into these conversations helps them feel seen and respected.

Your family’s traditions, routines, and shared memories are equally important at all ages. These help kids feel stable and connected, especially after experiencing disruptive or traumatic events earlier in their lives.

  • Reliable routines—like Sunday breakfasts, after-school check-ins, or bedtime rituals—provide predictability.
  • Family traditions—like holiday baking, silly songs, or decorating the house—build a sense of identity and belonging.
  • Memory-making moments—like spontaneous dance parties, camping in the backyard, or laughing around board games—help form positive emotional bonds.

These types of rituals and rhythms anchor our children into a sense of normalcy, connection, and home.

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3. Engagement and Contribution

People of all ages want to feel useful and valued — our kids are no different. Feeling like they matter builds confidence and self-worth. This building block of Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) is easily implemented when you consider your family’s daily routines and household tasks.

Even young children can contribute meaningfully. Give them responsibilities that match their age and ability:

  • Toddlers (2–4 years): Put toys away, help feed the pet, wipe small spills.
  • Young kids (5–7 years): Make their bed, set the table, put away laundry.
  • Tweens (8–12 years): Sweep floors, help with dinner, fold clothes, walk the dog.
  • Teens (13+): Cook simple meals, babysit younger siblings, mow the lawn, and assist with grocery shopping.

Encourage your older children to help their neighbors or participate in community service. Being dependable builds pride and a sense of responsibility.

You can also encourage them to get involved outside the home, through clubs, sports, theater, youth groups, or volunteering. These experiences foster independence and help them build connections and life skills. When a team or group misses them, it reinforces that they are valued.

Your kids will rise to the occasion when you set reasonable, and maybe even slightly challenging, expectations for them. Focus your praise on their efforts and persistence, not just outcomes. Show them that you believe in their capability.

4. Emotional Growth and Resilience

You can’t sign your child up for an “emotional growth class,” but you can create a home where emotional development is a daily practice.

Let your young person work through everyday problems without jumping in too quickly. Arguments with siblings or misunderstandings with friends are essential learning opportunities. They teach children how to share, compromise, express their feelings, and work through conflicts.

When you give them space to handle things on their own, it builds trust and emotional strength. Be prepared to step in when needed, but avoid rushing to their rescue. Celebrate their attempts to solve problems, even when an outcome isn’t perfect.

For example, imagine your tween feels rejected because they weren’t invited to a group outing. Sit with your child instead of confronting the other parents or trying to fix it. Listen to their feelings and say things like, “That must’ve been hard,” or “I can see why you’d be upset.” Later, when they are feeling regulated, gently help them reflect: “What do you want to do next?” or “Has something like this happened before? How did you deal with it then?”

Not every lesson our kids learn should come with a speech. Sometimes, our quiet presence is exactly what they need. When they’re ready, your perspective can help them make sense of the situation and grow stronger for the next one. Offer them your respect by asking permission to share your thoughts first. This is an excellent tool for building trust and confidence.

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The Brain Can Heal and You Can Help

Trauma can leave deep marks, but the good news is that our brains are adaptable and capable of healing, especially during periods of rapid growth, such as early childhood and adolescence. By intentionally creating Positive Childhood Experiences, you help shape healthier patterns of thinking, relating, and behaving.

As motivational speaker and foster alumni Josh Shipp says, “Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.” Whether you’ve adopted this child, are fostering for a short season, or are raising a relative’s child for an undetermined time frame, your influence is powerful and lasting.

Incorporating the four building blocks of Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) — supportive relationships, safe environments, meaningful engagement, and emotional growth — enables children to transition from surviving to thriving.

You don’t have to be perfect. Just keep showing up. Your steady presence, patience, and love can change the course of this child’s life.

Image Credits: RDNE Stock project; Ketut Subiyanto; RDNE Stock project