It’s early May, so schools across the country are winding down. Summer break is just around the corner for families of school-aged children – whether you are ready or not. You may already be planning your annual vacation, buying pool passes, and buying tickets online for local venues to enjoy together as a family. However, you may also dread your child’s hours of unscheduled time. It’s understandable – transitioning from your predictable, regimented school-year routine to a less structured summer routine can shock your kids’ systems. How do you plan to survive the summer with your kids impacted by trauma?
7 Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids Impacted by Trauma
Children impacted by trauma often struggle with issues that make transitions hard for their brains and bodies. Whether your child has sensory processing challenges, executive function delays, attachment struggles, or learning differences, you can do several key things to prepare them for the transition. By prioritizing their felt safety and viewing their struggles as “can’t” rather than “won’t,” you can be curious about what they may need to cope with this coming change of routine successfully.
Compassion for their difficulties with this transition can help you support them when they struggle. When you set your intentions toward compassion and curiosity, you can also manage everyone’s expectations more effectively. These survival tips can help you experience a fun summer of making memories and enjoying each other’s company with minimal drama.
1. Acknowledge that change is hard.
Say it out loud, several times if you must. Any change, even when they’ve been anticipating summer break for weeks, is hard for kids impacted by trauma. Be empathetic about their previous experiences during change and assure them that they won’t have to navigate this transition alone.
2. Create ending and beginning ceremonies.
Kids impacted by trauma often need tangible markers to help them manage transitions from one activity to another. Consider creating a specific end-of-the-year event to help them mark the completion of their school year. Once you find one that works effectively for your family, it can become a tradition or a ritual they can count on as a tool for processing the year they experienced. Then, find something that kicks off your family’s summer with similar clarity.
3. Build a buffer into the transition.
Your kids might benefit from a short buffer of time between the end of the school year and starting summer break. Take a day or two to allow them to clean out backpacks, put lunch bags in storage, and decompress from the tightly controlled pace of the school year.
Some families call a two-day hiatus before jumping into a summer schedule. Most parents must still work during their children’s summer break. Still, a couple of days of downtime for everyone can be the soft landing you need after a rigorous academic year. Turn off your alarms, block the calendar from appointments, and listen to what your bodies and brains need to rest. And never plan dentist appointments during this hiatus. Just trust us on that one.
4. Set a new summer routine.
Be very intentional about setting a new routine you and your children can follow. Above all, be reasonable in your expectations – no one wants to feel like every minute is accounted for once school gets out. However, also make it clear to your kids that you will establish and enforce a routine. Even if it’s more laid-back, a summer routine will provide consistency and predictability for your home. All children benefit from the boundaries that a schedule offers, but your kids impacted by trauma depend upon predictability to feel safe and secure.
It’s wise to begin crafting this schedule before your kids start summer break. Get their buy-in by talking now with them about changes they can anticipate. Ask what matters to them in the summer routine. Communicate clearly that you are working on a plan and that they can trust you to give everyone time and grace to find the new summer groove. Reassure them that their days will be slower, and they’ll get more time to do their chores and play with friends.
For younger children, consider posting a picture schedule they can follow. Try to keep it similar to their school year schedule so they can manage and follow it. Be intentional – for all ages – to set a simple structure for your days. Schedule playtime and downtime so they can see it. Talk with them about the mental and emotional health benefits of quiet time, imaginative play, physical movement, and free time. Don’t forget to schedule downtime for you, too!
Finding the Balance Between Structure and Nurture
5. Create summer traditions.
Your kids need events and activities that they can associate with the way your family “does” summer. So, build events into your routine that your kids can count on. Kids impacted by trauma, prenatal exposure, neurodiversity, and other issues crave favorite activities that also reinforce security and predictability.
For example,
- On Mondays, we alternate between going to the library and taking a day trip.
- Tuesday – swimming lessons.
- Wednesdays are for play dates.
- Thursday is our stay-at-home and veg-out day.
- Friday night is always Movie Night.
Within that loose structure, you can maintain the daily schedule of waking up, doing chores, and taking time to read, nap, or craft. Ask your kids for ideas of what they’d like to do for day trips or their top three summer wishes. Giving your children voice and choice in the summer plans communicates that you value them and assures them that you want to meet their needs.
6. Use the buddy system.
Another tool that works well to build trust and reinforce security with kids who have experienced trauma is a loosely structured buddy system. This system will be beneficial when plans are adjusted for weather or when the activities don’t turn out as you anticipated.
Think of your family’s buddy system as an added layer of emotional safety when your kids may otherwise flounder. You are giving them a buffer to help manage the anxiety or big emotions that come with unpredictability or change. And it’s also a sneaky way to reinforce teamwork and cooperation between siblings.
Here’s how it works.
If you have children of various ages in your home, pair an older kid with a younger sibling consistently for family outings, field trips, and especially on days when you might be trying something new or going somewhere special. Giving your little ones a “safe person” besides Mom or Dad increases their security amid different experiences or environments.
7. Leverage what you already know.
Finally, use what you already know to successfully guide your kids through the summer. For example, you likely already know what motivates your kids and what they need to feel safe. You’ve figured out the tools and rhythms that make your household run efficiently and peacefully the rest of the year. You know which skills are lagging and how to help them grow their character.
Remember all these things when planning your summer, and make the time work for you. Offering opportunities to do the things you know your child loves can help you re-frame difficulties like lagging skills or challenging behavior. Planning activities or events where they can feel successful is one of the keys to surviving the summer with kids impacted by trauma. Join the fun and get a taste of the success they are enjoying.
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Don’t Just Survive, Plan to Thrive!
Most families look forward to the routine change by the school year’s end. You and your kids likely have struggled through homework battles, behavior issues, and other school-related challenges. The change of pace will be good for you all. But it’s also critical to remember that the coming change may be hard for your kids. Setting plans to manage the transition to summer routines can help you do more than survive the summer together. You can plan to thrive as a family.
Image Credits: Spas Genev; RDNE Stock project; Ron Lach
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