Fantastic article in Cosmopolitan online magazine – What It’s Really Like to Place Your Baby for Adoption. Every adoptive parent should read about how these first moms feel about the adoption experience. So often the expectant mom and birth mom experience is forgotten in our talk about adoption, but is crucial for a full understanding of adoption.
The author interviewed 4 different women who had placed newborn infants for adoption 4 to 12 years ago. She asked them all about the experience then and how they feel now. Why they chose adoption, what other options they considered, how they chose the adoptive family, what surprised them about the experience, do they regret their decision, etc.
I had a few change-of-heart moments. When I held her alone in my hospital room, I counted her eye lashes and watched her breathe. I smelled her hair and listened to her heartbeat. I told her that I loved her very much and I recited a prayer to her that I also told my son every night. I thought about taking her home instead and what I would say to the family if I did that, and then I quickly remembered I had nothing to take her home to. The last chance to change my mind was the day they were leaving to go back to their home state. I went to their hotel with my mom and my son to say good-bye and hold her one last time, and I also wanted to hand-deliver a letter I had written to her. I remember writing, “I carried you in love.” I remember my mom saying it would be OK to change my mind and that she will support me in my decision, but I took a deep breath and with tears in my eyes, I knew that I had to follow through with the adoption.
While we aren’t sure that we can generalize from these four woman’s experience, they do give us a glimpse into how the adoption experience affected and continues to affect them. Powerful stuff.