Have you been thinking about adopting or fostering a sibling group? Or maybe you already have, and you’re wondering if it’s supposed to feel this overwhelming. First—take a deep breath. You are not alone. Many of us have been where you are: full of hope, trying to do the right thing, and maybe caught a little off guard by just how hard it can be.
Tips for Adopting or Fostering a Sibling Group
Adopting or fostering siblings can be beautiful, but it’s also complex. These kids share a history, deep bonds, and sometimes, big hurts. These tips can help guide children toward healing from their hurts, adjusting to their new family, and adapting to the new dynamics in your home.
1. Educate Yourself
This step is so important — it’s first for a reason. Learn all you can about trauma, grief, attachment, and sibling dynamics. Read, listen to podcasts, take classes, or take our free online courses, and connect with other foster or adoptive families. This intentional self-education will help you create a clear picture of what you and your family might face so your expectations stay grounded.
2. Be Honest About Your Motivation
Why do you want to adopt or foster a sibling group? There’s no judgment here. This is a friendly reminder to dig deep and be willing to ask yourself some hard questions before the kids join your family. And to keep asking, as you all adjust to your new normal. For example, do you feel connected to one child in this sibling group and feel you “should” take their siblings too?
Or maybe you’ve fallen in love with your two-year-old foster child and have been moving toward adoption. The caseworker informs you that they have a 13-year-old sibling who is also available for adoption. Being honest with yourself (and your partner) about what you can manage and what resources you have access to is essential for your family’s well-being. It’s better to face the hard questions now than to burn out later.
3. Be Patient: With Them and With Yourself
Everyone is adjusting to this big change — every single person in the home. Your “new normal” may not feel normal for a while.
Building trust and attachment takes time and often develops unevenly across a sibling group. That’s okay, and so is your uncertainty and concern about it. Remember that relationships take time on both sides. Give each other grace and space to settle into this new version of your family.
4. Build a Support System Before You Need It
When people offer help, say yes! Better yet, plan the support and help you will need before the kids arrive. Consider how you manage stress, what your kids who already live in your home need, and your partner’s capacity to support you. Some practical ideas you can arrange in advance include:
- Ask friends to do weekly grocery pick-ups or provide meals during the first week of the first few months the kids are home.
- Talk to your place of worship or parenting group about help with school drop-offs or laundry help.
- Hire a babysitter, even for an hour or two a week, so you can have one-on-one time with each.
- Plan time and arrange help to maintain your regular self-care (time at the gym, date night, hobby time, etc.)
We are not meant to walk life alone, and you are undertaking a significantly challenging journey. It’s not a sign of weakness to need help. It’s a sign you’re human.
5. Don’t Forget Yourself
You matter too. It’s easy to lose yourself in the whirlwind of new routines, school meetings, and emotional roller coasters, but neglecting yourself leads to burnout or secondary traumatic stress. Try to schedule one thing each week just for you. Maybe it’s coffee with a friend, a quiet bath, or even 30 minutes with a good book. You can show up better for all your kids if you’re not running on empty.
6. Protect Your Relationship
If you’re married or partnered, your relationship is the foundation on which your children stand. Carve out intentional communication time that helps you both stay on the same page, from logistics to the tone in your home.
You can make time for each other by planning both short touchpoints and more significant “time away” events to keep you connected. Take a nightly walk after dinner, enjoy coffee dates on the porch every Saturday morning, and commit to weekly or monthly counseling, even before problems arise, to maintain strong communication. Parenting kids with trauma impacts is stressful. Don’t wait until you’re both at a breaking point. Think of couples therapy as emotional maintenance, not a last resort.
7. If You’re Single — Don’t Isolate Yourself
Choosing to parent as a single person does not mean parenting alone; it means parenting with a community. It’s crucial to maintain your extended family connections or friendships. You need a life outside of your children. These tips can help you stay connected:
- Schedule regular phone calls or walks with a close friend.
- Join a support group for foster/adoptive parents.
- Ask a trusted friend to be your “check-in” buddy — someone you can be real with on hard days.
8. Make Time for Each Child Individually
Siblings don’t stop needing individual attention just because they came as a group. It will take creativity and flexibility, but try to find small moments to connect with each child, one-on-one. These types of small connection points can help each child feel seen and valued, not just part of a package deal.
- Invite just one to help cook dinner or run errands.
- Take turns reading individual bedtime stories.
- Have mini “dates” where one child picks a board game, snack, or short outing.
- Schedule one-on-one birthday dates.
9. See Each Child as a Whole Person
Sibling groups share a common history, but each child has their own unique personality, strengths, and challenges. Don’t assume what works for one will work for all. For example, your middle child might be quiet and sensitive, while the youngest is loud and full of energy. The oldest may be extremely responsible but secretly anxious. Tune into their individual needs and help them grow in their unique identity.
10. Get Professional Support — Early and Often
Therapy isn’t failure. In fact, it can be a lifesaver. Whether it’s for one child, the whole family, or just you, outside support helps you see clearly and make healthy changes.
Begin by exploring the resources your adoption or foster agency provides. Ask for their recommendations of trauma-informed therapists. Be open to family counseling or sibling therapy, as recommended by the therapist. You can also check with your pediatrician or school counselor for local mental health resources.
Having a family therapist involved from the beginning can help your family prevent crisis moments and provide you with tools to face challenges together.
Navigating Challenging Behaviors – a free guide
Seek Progress, Not Perfection
Adopting or fostering a sibling group is a brave and significant commitment. You don’t have to get it all right. Your goal is not to create the perfect family. Rather, you want to keep learning, showing up for each other, and loving each other a little better today than you did yesterday. Lean on your support network. Stay curious about your kids. And remember that even in the messy moments, you’re building something beautiful together.
November is National Adoption Month. One of the most significant needs within the adoption and foster community is safe, nurturing permanency for sibling groups. If you want to learn more about National Adoption Month, go to the Child Welfare Information Gateway’s site and follow the hashtags #NationalAdoptionMonth and #NationalAdoptionMonth2025 on social media.
Image Credits: Ivanna Kykla: https://www.pexels.com/photo/boys-doing-fist-bump-4018835/; Elina Fairytale: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-kids-playing-with-flour-3804229/; Marta Wave: https://www.pexels.com/photo/cheerful-black-children-browsing-laptop-together-in-room-6437843/; David Gomes: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-couple-walking-towards-the-sea-3070023/; RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-blue-denim-jacket-drinking-from-white-ceramic-mug-6517137/
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