Several weeks ago, we discussed the value of rituals and traditions for anchoring our kids into our family’s identity and culture. As a follow-up, we thought we’d share some of the unique traditions families in our community share to honor the season or celebrate the holidays. The traditions shared here come from a few CreatingaFamily.org staff, online group members, and the moderator team for that online group.
We hope you enjoy how other families build family identity and belonging through traditions and family celebrations.
Big Family Gatherings
“My family spends the night at my Granny’s. I mean, our whole extended family. We all sleep wherever we can find space, all over the floors. We go to Christmas Eve service at church together and then come back for dinner, music, and games together. We eat special Christmas finger foods and go to bed all over the house.
Then we get up in the wee hours of the morning on Christmas Day to start celebrating again. The kids all hang out together on the stairs until the adults wake up. Then they all come running down the stairs to see our Christmas chairs, where we have laid out the Santa gifts. We spend the morning opening presents. We wrap it up with our family’s traditional Christmas breakfast and we eat the same special foods every year.”
“One holiday tradition that I love for any of our big holiday meals, is that each person prepares their special dish. We eat our holiday meals in the evening, so all afternoon, people are in the kitchen preparing their dish — laughing, bumping into each other, and arguing over the amount of sugar or spices or general sloppiness of the others. One child’s special dish is lemon meringue pie, another’s carrot souffle, and another’s is helping dad with the oyster dressing. The non-cook in the family has perfected a mean bowl of green beans.
Every once in a while, someone adds a new dish to the rotation. It allows us all to share in the preparation of the meal, and I think it enhances the appreciation. But mostly, it gives us an opportunity to have a shared activity on special days.”
“One of our favorite traditions is Tree Decorating Day. Even the adult kids and their spouses try to make it home for that day. We decorate the tree and share memories and stories sparked by this or that ornament. The older kids sometimes run a covert game of “last ornament before Dad places the angel at the top,” so pockets are stuffed like chipmunk cheeks to try and win bragging rights. Then we order Chinese take-out and watch a holiday movie under the glow of the newly decorated tree.”
Keeping Celebrations Low-Key but Meaningful
“My three adoptive kiddos have a very difficult time around Christmas and that’s been a constant. So we decided early on that much of what would be considered customary at Christmas could not apply to our family until further notice. On Christmas Eve, we have a family room floor picnic with finger foods only and voluntary participation. It’s just been in the last two years that all children have joined the picnic. We play the Santa Tracker from NASA and The Polar Express in the background.
After the kids are off to bed, we place three presents per child under the tree. We don’t wrap, we use blankets to cover each family member’s pile of gifts. This helps with decreasing overstimulation and clean up on Christmas morning and also takes a lot off work of the parents’ shoulders. Our kids have adapted this no wrapping technique to other gift giving occasions and will often present gifts under a towel or hidden under a piece of clothing and we love it. In the morning, we spend time together around the tree, but everyone can access gifts on their own time.
We do not cook on Christmas Day. We just rest together. We have brunch (fresh fruit and a pastry made the day before) and we get Asian food for dinner. It’s very small and very quiet and each year it seems like Christmas has gotten a little easier and more enjoyable for all of us since expanding through adoption.”
Traditions that Acknowledge a Family’s Roots
“At my Grandma’s house, we always got an apple and an orange in our stocking, something passed down from her days growing up in the Depression.”
“My husband’s family is German and hides a pickle ornament in their tree every year. When we got married, we were gifted a pickle ornament for our own tree.”
Strengthening & Supporting Your Transracial Adoptee
“We connect the computer to the TV, have a slideshow of childhood photos (including births and baby ones – may be sensitive), and tell stories about grandparents and great-grandparents.”
“My favorite is buying a special ornament for each child based on something significant during the year or based on their birth names, which mean Golden Moon and Morning Star.”
“…my wife used to make sure we kept everything up until January 7th for Ukranian Christmas (she had some roots there). Didn’t do anything special for it, just kept stuff up until then. Oh, also celebrating my Dad’s birthday on the 26th every year (90 years old now).”
“This tradition started when I was little. My aunt brought back candle holders from Norway and gave them to us for Christmas. After that year, Christmas dinner wouldn’t have been complete without each of us having a candle holder in front of our place setting. Sometimes it’s the little things that hold the greatest sentimental value.”
“We added two miniature Chinese teapots to our ornament collection when our kids came home from China. We also have a gorgeous collection of traditional knotted Chinese tassels that we love to place on the tree.”
Flexing Holiday Traditions for the Kids’ Ages and Stages
“When our kids were little, I borrowed 31 picture books about the season from the library and wrapped them up in Christmas paper. Each night in December, the kids would take turns selecting one, and I read aloud to them before bed.”
“My family’s biggest tradition was always to open presents on Christmas Eve and open stockings on Christmas Day. This was more out of convenience because we participated in multiple services on Christmas Eve and would get home very late. So we could sleep late the next morning, we started opening presents while eating Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate after we got back from services. The tradition stuck even after my sister and I grew up and moved out of the house.”
Giving Back to the Community
“We bake a gazillion cookies and deliver them to the local police department, sheriff’s department, rescue squad, emergency room, and local nursing home.”
“Our church does a “fill a box” community-wide outreach to schools, local charities, and other organizations. We usually sign up for two. My husband takes the kids shopping to fill the boxes from the suggested checklist with staples and items to make a holiday meal.”
“We sponsor a family to do something special for them and buy gifts for them at the holidays. We also volunteer and wrap presents at our local mall for our foster agency.”
“On Christmas Eve, we deliver a homemade care package to our nearest fire station and let them know we appreciate them being at work and away from their own families on Christmas.”
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We hope you’ve enjoyed this peek into other families’ lives as they navigate the holidays together. This time of year can be hectic, triggering, and challenging for adoptive, foster, and kinship-impacted families. Please don’t forget the many resources we have on our Navigating the Holidays resource page.
No matter what holiday you celebrate or how you do it, we wish you the most joyful season of love, laughter, and happy memories for all!
Image Credits: Luna Lovegood; RDNE Stock project; Any Lane
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