are adopted children a gift?
Why does the idea of an adopted child being given as a gift rub me wrong?

OK, don’t get your panties in a knot. Yes, all children are gifts in the general sense. In my worldview they are gifts from God. In other world views they might be a gift from nature to ensure the continuation of the species. Either way, gifts they are. However, I’m talking about the general consensus in some adoption literature that adopted kids are a gift from the birth parents to the adoptive parents.

It’s a beautiful sentiment of one mother giving another the most precious gift of all – a child. I think many adoptive moms and probably many first moms feel this way. However, as much as I want to warm up to the idea, the truth is that it makes me cringe. It feels like we are selling first mothers short that they would give their child as a gift to another.

There are as many reasons as there are birth moms as to why she made the decision not to parent her child. And no doubt some would view it as a gift. As long as both parties are happy with this approach, who am I to play word cop. However, I loved this comment on my blog Adoptive Mom Feels Left Out at Son’s Reunion with Birth Mother.

“My child was not a gift to the adoptive parents, my gift was giving wonderful parents TO my child.”


Does the idea that your adopted child is a gift to you from her birth parents ring true to you?


Image credit: Bandido of Oz