Welcoming a new child to your home, whether through adoption, foster care, or caring for a loved one’s child, can be a significant adjustment for your whole family. A child impacted by trauma, neglect, prenatal exposure, or loss may have challenging behaviors or display tremendous grief. Your resident children may have been “all in” for a new sibling, but the reality is not matching their expectations. You may also wonder how this could be so different from what you thought it would be.

When a child arrives at your home, they may have a variety of emotions ranging from fear to anger to even feeling guilty. No one is at their best with this stew of feelings, and their behaviors reflect that. The children already in your home are also facing a big adjustment.

Helping everyone adjust at once can be a struggle – this mismatch of expectations and reality is an additional stressor for you, the new child, and the children already in your home. Flexibility is critical, especially within the first few weeks. It might even feel like your formerly calm, structured home is topsy-turvy. Prepare for this by lowering your expectations across the board.

Continuing to educate yourself and your family about the impacts of trauma and the (actual) realities of transitioning a new child to your home is crucial for the success of your family. Finding the proper support and building your “village” is vital to helping your family through this adjustment. CreatingaFamily.org has an active and supportive online community full of people who have survived the transition. They happily share their experiences and support each other through the good and hard times.