Raising your grandchild (or any relative’s child!) can be both a joy and a challenge, especially when school is involved. Whether this is the first school year as your grandchild’s primary caregiver or you welcome the child back after time with their parent(s), you might find that things have changed since your kids were in school. This guide will help grandparents (or other relatives!) learn how to support their relative child’s education, connect with others, and take care of themselves along the way.

Understanding School Support Plans

Many children impacted by trauma, prenatal substance exposure, or neurodiversity need extra help in school. If your grandchild has medical diagnoses or learning differences, you might hear terms like IEPs or 504 Plans. Here’s a brief rundown of what those are.

  • An IEP (Individualized Education Program) is a special plan for students who qualify for special education. It includes learning goals and services like speech therapy or extra reading help.
  • A 504 Plan helps students with physical or mental health conditions that affect learning but don’t need full special education. This plan might include extra time on tests or sitting near the teacher.

Some students may receive additional support through small-group tutoring, behavior plans, or assistance from a reading specialist. Ask the school if your relative child has or needs any of these plans. You can email the teacher to request a meeting with the special education team, school psychologist, or guidance counselor to learn more about the process. These people are there to help your grandchild succeed.

Where To Learn More About Educational Supports

These resources can help you educate yourself about IEPs, 504s, OHIs, and other educational interventions:

Connect with Teachers and Staff

One of the best ways to support your grandchild is to build strong relationships with their teachers and school staff. These adults spend a lot of time with your grandchild and can offer insight into how they’re doing. Try these steps with the teachers to get you off to a good start.

  • Introduce yourself to their homeroom teacher, guidance counselor, and special education staff.
  • Ask about the best way to keep in touch—email, phone, or a school app.
  • Attend parent-teacher conferences, and don’t be afraid to ask questions or share concerns.

Even if you’re new to this, most schools welcome family members who want to be involved. The more connected you are, the more your niece, nephew, or grandchild will feel supported.

Understanding Prenatal Exposure to Alcohol and Drugs

Help Your Grandchild Make Friends

School isn’t just about academics—it’s also about learning how to build and maintain friendships. Sometimes kids in families like yours may feel left out. You can help them find friends by setting up play dates, participating in community events, and joining extracurricular or after-school activities.

You can also talk with your grandchild about their classmates, lunch buddies, and group projects. Be curious about what kind of person makes a good friend, what it takes to be a friend, and how they feel about their friendships.

Remind them that friends don’t always have to be their age or in their grade. Sometimes, a kind friend in another class or even a trusted adult can help them feel less alone.

You can also model friendliness for them. If your grandchild sees you chatting with other parents, caregivers, or volunteers at school events, they learn that connection matters at every age.

Build Connections in Your Community

Even if you don’t know other caregivers or teachers yet, attending school events together will help you feel connected.

  • Attend the open houses or Back-to-School Nights.
  • Go to sports events, school plays, or concerts.
  • Volunteer in the classroom or library.
  • Join the PTA or a school committee—even as a listener at first.

Your participation shows your grandchild that school is essential and that they have someone in their corner. It also helps you meet other adults who are going through similar things.

Setting Yourself Up for Success When Raising Grandkids or Relative Children

Build Routines for School Days

A predictable schedule helps kids feel safe and focused. Whether you’re an early riser or a night owl, consistent morning and evening routines can make school days smoother for everyone.

Here is an example of a typical routine. You can use it as a starting point and build in the elements your family needs to consider.

In the Morning:

  • Wake up at the same time each day.
  • Prepare breakfast, pack backpacks, and check for school notes or homework.
  • Allow time for a calm send-off—rushing causes stress.

After School and Evenings:

  • Have a snack and a short activity break.
  • Set a time and a quiet space for homework.
  • Build in downtime, dinner, and a regular bedtime.
  • Establish a soothing and calming bedtime routine for everyone.

It’s a good idea to practice these routines for several weeks before school starts, so the kids’ bodies have time to adjust, especially if this type of schedule is new to them. For families that struggle to get out the door peacefully in the morning, consider what tasks can be moved to the nighttime routine.

If you’re struggling with this, don’t hesitate to ask your grandchild’s teacher or join our online community for support and creative ideas.

Care for Yourself, Too

Caring for a school-aged child as a grandparent can be overwhelming. As a relative caregiver, you have several added layers that you may not have experienced before, even if you have raised your own children previously. Technology impacts the learning experience at school and at home. Rules and protocols in school are different. The social culture and expectations may be new. All this can overwhelm you, leaving you feeling tired or uncertain about your role.

To help you manage these hefty weights on your mind and body, be sure to include self-care in your daily rhythms:

  • Take breaks when you can. Even short walks or quiet time matter.
  • Fuel yourself with activities or hobbies you love and that refresh you.
  • Reach out to local support groups or grandparent networks.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, extended family, neighbors, or school staff.

Caring for yourself helps you be your best self for your grandchild. You deserve support, too.

You Are Not Alone!

Going Back to School alongside your grandchild might feel like entering a new world. But you’re not alone. People at the school and in your community are ready to walk with you on this journey. With patience, love, and teamwork, you can help your grandchild thrive—and you might find joy and friendship along the way.

Image Credits: Mikhail Nilov; Kampus Production; Ketut Subiyanto