At the risk of sounding trite, can you believe the holiday season is here already? Our kids may be looking forward to the onslaught of sweets! and movies! and presents! But we adults often feel a mix of joy, anticipation, and overwhelm. We intend every year to be different, but we feel behind (again!) on our “To Do” list or stressed by the expectations of family, school, work, and the joy our holidays are supposed to represent. How do you manage holiday stress so you and your family can be present and enjoy each other?
The Don’ts of Healthy Holiday Stress Management
It’s crucial to remember that the holidays may represent extra family togetherness and a much-needed break from the regular work or school schedule your family experiences. But those same joys can be significant stressors when you don’t prepare yourself. So, let’s look at a few things you should not do as this holiday season gets underway!
1. Don’t Say Yes to It All.
As tempting as it is to embrace all the shopping, special events, family dinners, and new recipes, try to be selective about what goes onto your family calendar this year. You can say no occasionally and still experience a joyful holiday season!
Here are a few ways to avoid saying yes to everything:
- Block out and prioritize time to rest, stay home, or refresh yourself with nurturing self-care. Treat it like an appointment!
- Sit down together and list each person’s “top three” favorite seasonal experiences. You will likely overlap in what everyone enjoys the most. Put those things on the calendar.
- If you find little to no overlap, ask each person to hone down their list to one or two priorities to add to the calendar, depending on your time frame.
- Write down each person’s favorites on slips of paper and drop them in a basket. Decide together how many are reasonable to draw and add those to the calendar.
- Next year, have these conversations earlier and plan ahead. Try to space these cherished activities out more to accommodate everyone’s preferences.
2. Don’t Skimp on Sleep!
Melt-downs and dysregulation are common occurrences at many holiday events, right? Kids and grown-ups alike are overwhelmed and exhausted. No matter how you handle your daytime holiday activities, do your best to maintain a consistent bedtime routine for your whole family. Yes, you should embrace and enjoy the occasional evening events like the community carol singing or your neighbor’s late-night Hanukkah party. But the next night, you should all be right back to regular bedtime for everyone – or even a little bit earlier than usual if you can manage it.
We all know that tired brains are grumpy brains. Grumpy brains become dysregulated brains, and that’s a sure-fire recipe for ruining those cherished events. Prioritizing sleep is both remediation and preventative to get the most joy out of this season.
Resources for Sleep Issues
3. Don’t Hold Your Expectations Too Tightly.
Expectations, especially regarding family dynamics, can be a beast to manage. We all carry images and hopes for what our holiday season will look like. Getting everyone there can be challenging when families feel a certain way about your parenting style. Holding onto expectations and allowing the circumstances around you to impact how you think about the event can wreck your experience of that event, can’t it?
Instead, consider holding your expectations loosely. Talk in advance with your kids about being flexible and gentle with themselves and others. Model a loose grasp on expectations by narrating your hopes and how you will manage them.
Here’s an example.
Last year, Uncle Joe really lost his cool and vented all afternoon about bad referee calls during the Lions football game. Grandma Mary wanted crescent rolls, not cornbread, and was not flexible about the change. The whole environment felt charged with mismatched expectations. You felt stressed most of the day. Your kids picked up on your stress. And no one enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner.
Have a few “lead-up” conversations with your family this year.
“Remember last year with Uncle Joe got so mad during the football game? I really hope he doesn’t shout at the tv again this year. But if he does, I think I will take a short walk around the block to calm my mind. You are welcome to join me.”
“Last year, Grandma seemed really frustrated that we brought cornbread instead of crescent rolls. This year, I think I will bring both. Want to help me make them tomorrow?”
The Do’s of Healthy Holiday Stress Management
1. Do Take the Easy Way Out.
It’s okay to press that easy button during the holiday season! Order take-out when you do grocery or holiday shopping after work. Christmas presents ordered online are just as exciting as those purchased after long lines on Black Friday. Hire a babysitter for an afternoon so you can recharge, bake, or wrap gifts. It doesn’t mean less when you choose shortcuts, semi-home-made, or outsourcing. Honest, it doesn’t.
2. Do Be Intentional.
When you add an event to the calendar, give a gift to a special teacher, or bake a favorite holiday treat, choose to be intentional with the time you spend doing it. Figure out where your family’s best memories start and build on those with purpose in mind. If you find some of your activities are traditions that feel hard to maintain and don’t spur great memories or joy together, consider how to strip them down or change them to match your intentions.
Be equally purposeful to include self-care that refuels you. Modeling healthy self-care is a gift you can give your kids that will last all their lives!
3. Do Be Flexible.
For many families, this time of year also means colds, flu, and crazy weather events. It’s challenging. Feeling frustrated and angry is tempting when unpredictable occurrences thwart our best-laid plans. Try to be flexible and even look for the silver lining. So, yes, Johnny’s terrible head cold means missing your temple’s children’s party. But it can also mean a cozy pajama night with hot cocoa and extra time to watch movies together.
4. Do Give or Serve Together.
These are challenging times for many families where you live. Are there donation drives happening at school for less fortunate families? Is the local food bank looking for people to pack groceries? Does your local pet shelter need blankets for the cold weather?
When you all work together on a common purpose, you build unity and anchor your kids into your family’s identity. Volunteering together is also an excellent way to help you manage your expectations. There’s nothing like being face-to-face with how blessed you are to help you hold your expectations loosely!
5. Do Have Fun Together.
Laughter and mutual joy can be an extra strength glue that holds you all together even when the holidays’ crazy pace seems intent on making you all stressed and overwhelmed. You can schedule a family movie night to watch your favorite holiday comedy (Elf. The best holiday comedy is Elf.). Or play holiday-themed games together. We have a family tree-decorating tradition that even our adult kids try to come home for each year. Host a cooking competition for everyone to make (home-made or semi-home-made) their favorite holiday treat. Tell funny family stories and share your happiest memories while driving around to look at the neighborhood lights. Whatever spells F-U-N to your family, do it, and do it often!
Strengthening and Supporting Your Transracial Adoptee
Prioritize Connection This Holiday Season
The holiday season can be stressful and even painful for many families impacted by adoption, foster care, or relative caregiving. When you avoid pitfalls and focus on buffering healthy connections in your family, you can thrive together and make the memories worth recounting around the table in years to come.
Image Credits: Monstera Production; Felicity Tai; Roderick Salatan
Add Your Comment