Word of caution here folks: This is not a joke. Nor an early April Fool’s Day blog. This is a copy of a real listing/post on Craigslist last week.
So you don’t have to squint, let me help you out because you don’t want to miss this.
Before I Get my Knickers in a Knot
Let me begin by at least acknowledging that this was likely written by a person in pain, and if I was a gambling women, I’d bet that it’s a she and that she is struggling with infertility. She has likely been trying to conceive for a while. Maybe she always thought she had adoption as a fall back if infertility treatment failed, and has just now realized that it’s not that easy. I’d like to think that she posted this in a pique of frustration. Infertility can do that to you. At least she classified it right as a “rant”.
Now for a Little Knicker Knotting
A rant such as this would not usually compel me to write a blog (and draw attention to it for that matter). I suspect, however, that the writer’s sentiments probably reflect what a lot of people assume that people with infertility secretly think. Sure, not to this extreme, but how many of you haven’t had someone mention something close to “baby shortage” and “the baby would be better off with you as the adoptive parent”? Unfortunately, truth be told, lots of folks assume that all infertile couples or prospective adoptive parents view expectant women as a resource to supply them with babies. This post plays directly into this huge misperception.
I’m seldom at a loss for words, but it’s hard to know where to even begin. When approaching a difference of opinion I usually try to start from a place of agreement. Not so easy here, but at least we agree that “people need to start thinking more about adoption.” Adoption can be a great option for kids and adoptive families, and often a “best” alternative for expectant women/couples who are not ready or able to parent. OK, let me think hard…nope, that’s about it for common ground.
There is a lot to take exception to, but I think what bothered me the most about this tirade is the not so subtle hint to pregnant women that they can make money from placing their baby for adoption.
[M]any families will cover your expenses (even living/rent) if you place your baby for adoption. …They often pay $30,000. and sometimes even $50,000. just to be parents.
Talk about equal opportunity disrespect—one shot hits both expectant woman and adoptive parents.
Much of the rest of this listing doesn’t warrant comment, but for the record I’d like to say that I’ve talked with and interviewed many many women who have placed their children for adoption or are considering this option. They are not looking to make money off their babies, and many of these women would be terrific mothers if they chose to parent. If they decide to parent it will not be a selfish decision. Women and couples in a crisis pregnancy are not resources to exploit for the benefit of the infertile. Children are not commodities.
Now it’s your turn. Where is your common ground? Where do you take exception?
P.S. I want the world to know that most infertile people and adoptive parents do not share this view, even to a small degree. If you agree with me, click the Facebook “like” below and then click the “f” or “t” to share with your friends on Facebook and Twitter.
Image credits: Craigslist