Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies & Solutions

We talk today with Sarah Naish, the CEO of the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma, founder of the National Association of Therapeutic Parents, and author of The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting and The A-Z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parents. She is the adoptive mom to a sibling group of 5 who are now adults and she has fostered over 40 kids.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • Why are some kids harder to parent and why especially are kids who have experienced trauma, including prenatal trauma, often harder to parent?
  • Understanding the cause of the behavior is the root of parenting harder to parent kids.
  • Establish the basics to make their lives predictable so they can feel safe and grow and heal. The elements for establishing this base:
    • Routines
    • Establish yourself as a safe base-empathetic and nurturing but in control
      • Respond to the child, not to the child’s demand
  • Be honest about their story, contact, etc. – be factual, but don’t fill in the gaps
  • Establish strong, clear boundaries- what to do when these boundaries are crossed?
  • Use natural or life consequences
    • Our kids may not recognize cause and effect.
      • Early trauma, including prenatal exposure, can hinder a child’s ability to recognize cause and effect
      • Our kids may be developmentally younger than their chronological years which also impacts understanding.
    • Natural consequences help children recognize that they can make an impact on the world-helps them make sense of the world
    • Combine natural consequences with nurturance.
  • How to handle incidents when they happen. PARENTS model.
    • Pause-to allow you to respond with intention not emotion.
    • Assess-is anyone in danger or serious damage.
    • Reflection-quick reflection to identify the trigger.
    • Empathize rather than ask questions
      • use empathetic commentary-
      • respond to their feelings rather than the behavior.
    • Nurture-examples of nurturing in the heat of the moment.
    • Think about next action to take.
      • What strategies might I use to resolve this? Do you need to do anything else?
      • How can we avoid this situation in the future?
    • Self-care
  • Other parenting strategies for harder to parent kids. Other tools for your toolkit.
    • Identify your triggers.
    • Set realistic expectations.
    • Use silliness or playfulness.
    • Remove the audience.
    • Help kids show they are sorry rather than demand they say they are sorry.
    • The phone strategy.
    • Watch what the child is doing rather than what she is saying.
    • Payback time.
    • Admit it when you made a mistake.

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Music Credit: Michael Ashworth

Podcast Producer: Megown SoundWorks

Image Credit: Julia M Cameron