The Holidays

Every January, we start hearing about “resolutions.” Exercise more. Eat better. Get organized. Improve work-life balances. But for adoptive, foster, and kinship caregivers, the idea of adding one more thing to an already full plate can feel impossible. Sometimes, self-care is just one more thing that we cannot get to.

What if We Chose a Different Focus for the New Year?

However, what if this year, your resolution wasn’t about doing more? But instead, we made it about being more nourished? What if your focus for the new year was taking care of the caretaker—not out of guilt or luxury, but because your well-being is the foundation of your family’s healing?

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5 Habits to Set Lasting Self-Care Intentions

This year, let’s set intentions that will last longer than a week and reach deeper than a To Do list. Let’s build rhythms of self-care that say, “taking care of yourself is taking care of your family.

1. Reframe Self-Care as Family Care

“Self-care” has become a buzzword synonymous with pampering, luxury, and indulgence. However, in our families affected by early trauma or prenatal exposure, it’s not a trendy indulgence—it’s survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and our kids’ cups often have holes in the bottom.

Children who’ve endured loss, neglect, or chaotic early environments often need our calm presence more than our perfect parenting. When we’re physically and emotionally depleted, our stress spills over and becomes their stress. But when we’re rested, fed, and emotionally grounded, we help our children feel safe enough to grow and heal.

As you set your intentions this year, start with this truth: your needs matter, too.

Caring for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s sacred.

2. Take a Whole-Person Approach

Instead of tackling a dozen goals at once, try to think in rhythms of the physical, emotional, and spiritual. Sustainable self-care happens in small steps, woven into ordinary days.

Move with kindness.

You don’t need a gym membership or a 5 a.m. workout. A 15-minute walk while the kids ride bikes or a quiet stretch before bed is enough. Movement releases stress and helps your body process emotion—something all caregivers carry plenty of.

Make it even more meaningful by using this time also to breathe deeply, pray or meditate, or call a friend who “gets it.”

Eat to fuel, not just survive.

Many of us skip meals, snack on the kids’ leftovers, or lean on caffeine to keep going. This year, resolve to nourish your body the way you nourish your children’s.

Start small by planning a simple Sunday food-prep: chopping veggies, cooking a protein, or packing grab-and-go snacks for the week ahead. Choose the best-quality foods you can afford, and hydrate like your mood depends on it (because it does).

Rest like it’s your job.

Did you know that chronic sleep deprivation mimics trauma in the body? When we’re exhausted, patience vanishes and reactivity grows. Set a bedtime alarm to help you go to bed at the same time every night. Turn off screens earlier. Trade late-night chores for a warm shower or journaling.

Remember: your family needs a present parent more than a perfect one.

3. Feed Your Emotional Health

Parenting kids who grapple with the impacts of trauma, prenatal substance exposure, or neurodiversity and learning challenges can be isolating. You might feel misunderstood by family or friends, or judged by strangers. This year, make authentic, healing connections one of your resolutions.

Find your people.

Talking with others who genuinely understand can refill your emotional tank.

  • Join a CreatingaFamily.org support and peer-learning community for post-adoptive/foster parents or kinship caregivers by reaching out to tracy@creatingafamily.org.
  • Join the CreatingaFamily.org Facebook group.
  • Find an in-person support group in your community.
  • Intentionally build deeper relationships with friends or family who are supportive and willing to learn what your family faces.

Name your gratitude.

Try a “gratitude jar” or create a family ritual of sharing one small good thing from each day. Gratitude doesn’t erase hardship—but it helps rewire your brain toward hope.

Take intentional breaks.

Whether it’s a quiet morning coffee date with yourself or an evening walk with your partner, try to schedule short daily breaks to pause and refuel. Consider also scheduling an occasional weekend getaway to rest before you crash. Using respite care, safe friends or family, and taking time away is not an escape; it’s maintenance for your mental health.

When you make this type of space for your emotions, you model healthy regulation for your children. You are showing them that big feelings can be handled, not hidden.

4. Nurture Your Spirit

You don’t have to be religious to have a spiritual rhythm. What feeds your spirit might be time outdoors, journaling, music, or prayer. You can start small: two minutes of deep breathing before the morning chaos, or writing one intention in a notebook each week.

As you move into the new year, ask yourself:

  • What helps me feel grounded?
  • What reminds me that I’m more than just a caregiver?
  • What helps me return to love, even on hard days?

Revisiting your answers throughout the year keeps your focus on renewal instead of exhaustion.

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5. Build Habits, Not Pressure

Change doesn’t happen overnight, especially when you’re raising children whose lives have been anything but predictable. So instead of grand resolutions, try habit stacking — adding one new habit to something you already do.

  • Drink a glass of water while packing lunches.
  • Stretch while the coffee brews.
  • Step outside for two minutes of fresh air when you let the dog out.

These small acts become quiet anchors in your day, moments of care that ripple through your home—layering them consistently into your day models healthy habits for your kids, too.

And when you miss a day? Offer yourself the same grace you offer your children. Healing takes repetition and compassion—so does self-care.

Begin Again, Every Day

Let’s work together to make this a year of possibility, not perfection. Self-care doesn’t have to be a one-time resolution that is easily broken. Instead, we can build a lifelong rhythm of tending, resting, and returning to what matters most.

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