Understanding Birth Parents

Birth Mothers and Birth Fathers

Understanding Birth Parents

birth parents

Adoption involves not only the adopted child and the adoptive parents, but also the birth mother and father that made the decision to place their child for adoption. It is tempting for some adoptive parents to push birth parents to the back of their mind once the adoption is finalized, but they will always be our children’s first mom and first dad, and our children will likely not push them to the back of their minds. All adoption triad members need to learn from one another and be respectful of one another.

One of the best ways to “get to know” each other is to start reading blogs written by first mothers (and fathers), adopted people, and adoptive parents. Creating a Family has compiled a list of the Best of the Best Adoption Blogs with all adoption triad members.

A Word about Terminology: Birth Mother? Expectant Mother? First Mother? Natural Mother?
Few issues are as controversial in the adoption world as what to call the women and men who made or are in the process of making a decision about placing their child for adoption. At Creating a Family, we seldom play the role of word police, but plenty others online do love that role. Here are some guidelines:

Prior to Birth: The woman is an expectant mother (EM) and the man is an expectant father (EF). We think it is important to not refer to them as birth parents because they have not (and legally cannot) relinquish their parental rights until after birth. Calling them expectant parents during this time is a good reminder to all. In order to make our resources on finding expectant parents that might be considering adoption more searchable online, we sometimes refer to parents at this stage as prospective birth parents.

After Birth but Prior to Placement: They are simply mother and father.

After Placement with Adoptive Parents: Depending on who you talk with any of the following terms are acceptable: birth mother (father), first mother (father), and natural mother (father). At Creating a Family, we use birth mother and first mother interchangeably. We do not use the abbreviation BM for birth mother for obvious reasons. You might enjoy this blog we wrote on this topic: What’s In A Name? Birth Mother? First Mother? Real Mother?

Creating a Family has many resources to help foster an understanding of Birth Parents and the role they play in the lives of adopted people. A few we think you will find particularly helpful are:

Many more Creating a Family podcasts, articles, and fact sheets on birth parents can be found at the icons below.

Image credit: Anathea Utley

Additional Resources

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Creating a Family Podcasts on Birth Parents

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Creating a Family Blogs on Birth Parents

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Creating a Family Factsheets, Tips on Birth Parents