Practical Tips for Disciplining While Maintaining Attachment

In this episode we talk about practical tips for disciplining while maintaining attachment with Amanda Purvis, a Training Specialist at the Karyn Purvis Center for Child Development, a social worker, and a mom of five.

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Hit the Highlights

Basics of how to create attachment with kids who have experience trauma.
What is the purpose of discipline?
Building the foundation.
Punishment vs. retraining.
Different disciplinary approaches.
- Why doesn’t the “spare the rod, spoil the child” disciplinary approach work?
- Time-outs or being sent to their room.
- Shaming
- Lecturing
“At risk kids (children who have experienced trauma) respond better to discipline that guides them to think about their choices and consequences without being shamed.”
Is the goal to preserve a warm, loving connection between parent and child throughout the discipline process?
How to approach disciplining that combines firmness, kindness, and retraining.
- You are the boss-own your authority.
  - Be a good boss.
  - Speak with authority
- Gear response to the child’s level of misbehavior
- Shift your perspective: misbehavior is an opportunity
- Don’t take it personally (approach discipline in a matter of fact way)
- The “IDEAL” approach
- Respond immediately
- Respond directly
- Respond efficiently and measured. Less is more. (firmness, correction, words) Don’t get into a discussion.
- Response is action-based. (Active redirection. Physically led through a do-over followed by praise).
- Response is leveled at the behavior not the child.
The power of the Re-Do
- Parental attitude about the re-do is important: Re-dos are not punishment. They are an opportunity to instruct and practice. Keep it pleasant, upbeat.
- If needed, model what you want.
- Follow up with praise.
Maintaining attachment
- Think it over place
- Give choices and compromises
- Sandwich technique-send more positive than negative messages
- Maintain a respectful atmosphere: give respect and expect respect
Common scenarios that drive parents crazy. (Look beyond the behavior to what need the child expressing).
- Inability to accept “no”
- Not responding to your request (i.e. ignoring you)
- Triangulation-remember it’s a survival technique
- Lying
Importance of finding a way to recharge because parenting and disciplining a child who has experienced a rough start is exhausting.