How long must you have suffered before you earned the right to call yourself "infertile"?
How long must you have suffered before you earned the right to call yourself “infertile”?

I had some trouble conceiving both of my kids, but nowhere near what many others have gone through. Sometimes I want to tell other infertiles that I know what they feel, but then I wonder if they’ll be insulted because it only took me a year and a half, only took 3 IUI’s etc. I try to preface it by saying that I might know a little of how they feel, even though I haven’t been in their exact situation. So far, people seem to be receptive. It is hard to know the right thing to say.”>

How long do you have to suffer before you’ve earned the right to call yourself really infertile? Must you have gone through a couple of rounds of IVF, or will a few IUIs suffice? Is Clomid enough or must you have at least given injectable gonadotropins a whirl? How much must you have endured before you can complain? Will others question your infertility chops if you’ve only been trying to conceive for a year?

Pain is Pain

Pain is pain, and my pain is not worse than yours. In my book, you are infertile if…

  • You experienced the dread each month that your period will come.
  • You’ve held your breath with excitement and fear if you are a few days late, only to cry yourself to sleep when you realize it was a false alarm.
  • You’ve bought ovulation predictor kit and pregnancy test in bulk.
  • You have experienced the fear of never being able to have biological children.

That you found success sooner than some others does not make you ineligible to join the infertility club. It’s not exactly a club many people are clamoring to join, but we welcome you. Now, if you “struggled” for four months, you might want to stay quiet.


Image credit:  evelynized