10 ways to answer "When are you going to have kids" When You're Infertile

Every person struggling with infertility will be asked more often than they would like–“When are you going to have kids?” It helps to have some ready answers to help you cope.

A lot depends on who is asking, why they are asking, and how much you want to share. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if you choose to answer, consider a few of these responses. (Snarky version also available if you’re feeling mischievous.)

  1. “We would love to have kids right now, but it hasn’t been as easy as we had hoped.”
  2. “No, not yet, but please keep us in your prayers.”
  3. “When we decide, you’ll be one of the first to know.”
  4. “That’s a more personal question than I feel comfortable answering. Can you believe the weather we are having?”
  5. “Ask God (or the power that be) because I sure have no idea?”
  6. “That’s such a personal question, why do you want to know?”
  7. (Say nothing, and give a little smile or shrug.) “Would you like some more of that cheese dip?”
  8. “Thanks for your concern. How about some more chips?”
  9. “We recently found out we’re infertile and are seeing a specialist.” At this point, you have two choices:
    • You can say nothing more. At which point, you will likely be on the receiving end of advice, success stories, and over-sharing of way too personal information about sexual positions and frequency. If this is not what you want, quickly change the subject.
    • You can quickly follow with “This is a really tender subject for me, so I’d rather not go into details right now. Thanks for caring and respecting our privacy”.
  10. You ask me this question every year. Can we make an agreement that when we decide, I’ll let you know? That way you don’t need to keep asking.