Is it Tacky to Replace a Facebook Baby Picture with Bacon?

Dawn Davenport

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Is it Tacky to Replace a Facebook Baby Picture with Bacon?

“Dawn, have you heard of the Facebook app Unbaby Me? Don’t you think it’s kind of tacky to do that to your friends. I mean I’ve experienced infertility, but I was always able to celebrate my friend’s happiness.”

In short, no, I don’t think blocking pictures of babies on your Facebook newsfeed is tacky when you are trying to cope with infertility. In fact, I think it might actually be a sign of mental health. I’m not suggesting that it is for everyone, but it can be a life saver (or at least a sanity saver) for some.

Unbaby Me is a Chrome browser extension (not a Facebook app) that allows you to replace pictures of babies in your Facebook newsfeed with pictures of kittens, puppies, abstract designs, or even bacon. Whether it is tacky, in my mind, depends on the motive. If you are just trying to be snarky then, yes, it is tacky. But if the adorable pictures of your friends’ kids cause you pain, then why not practice a little self-care?

The Pain of Infertility

Pain and grief is so individual. Some people struggling with infertility are able to celebrate the good fortune of their friend’s easy conceptions and their cute kids. Bully for them! For others who’ve been trying to conceive for years, seeing pictures of new babies and adoring parents feels like ripping a scab off a festering sore. The first group is not morally superior to the second; they simply cope with grief differently.

Infertility Causes Withdrawal from Life

One of the saddest parts of infertility is that it often causes people to withdraw both online and in person. The pain of seeing children and happy families is just too great a reminder of what they are missing. Withdrawing from life is not healthy. Infertility shouldn’t rob you of your life, as well as the ability to be a parent.

So, if turning a baby picture into a delicious slab of bacon serves as a small band aid to the pain of infertility, why not? An added benefit is the giggle you’ll get every time you read the adoring comments being directed to whatever picture you choose. I wouldn’t suggest, however, letting your fertility-blessed friends know that you are turning their kids into bacon. Some things are best kept to yourself.

What do you think? Tacky or a good way to care for yourself?

Image credit: wildbutharmless

10/04/2013 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 28 Comments



28 Responses to Is it Tacky to Replace a Facebook Baby Picture with Bacon?

  1. Kristina Grish Kristina Grish says:

    Mmm chocolate chip cookie or truffled Mac n cheese

  2. Kristina Grish Kristina Grish says:

    i think it’s both self-protective and hilarious, which is a really good combo, if you ask me. (though your FB feed might cause you to stress eat after a while!)

  3. do what you have to do to protect your sanity…that’s my motto, at least. my situation is a bit different from yours, but i ultimately had to deactivate facebook. it was like entering a world full of glass shards and rusty nails and rubbing alcohol rainshowers.

    if you can cover those baby pictures with bacon and thereby avoid some emotional pain, why not? (although, personally, i’d choose a picture my wife’s strawberry tarte.)

    great post.

  4. Kristina, I agree completely. Although I’d probably only stress eat if the picture was of a hot chocolate chip cookie.

  5. Carole says:

    I hide expecting people from my newsfeed all the time, and honestly I don’t even stop to consider if its gonna hurt anybody’s feelings or not, it’s not like people who are announcing their pregnancies or posting pictures of their babies non stop are taking my feelings into consideration.

  6. Katherine, well said!!

  7. Katherine says:

    Also, bigger picture, and I know we talk a lot about this in this group, but it bears repeating that there’s no right or wrong way to feel — what you feel is what you feel. Sure, it would be great if you could be unselfishly happy for your friend, but thinking you should feel that way will only complicate some already complicated emotions.

  8. Leilani says:

    True dawn. And I’ve learned if I cant laugh through this, life is much less enjoyable. After my last miscarriage my husband and I made the decision to continue trying for a 2nd child (not sure how yet) but only if we agreed to make the effort to step back and not let this run our lives anymore. Easier said than done and there’s still sting, but laughing has helped!

  9. Katherine says:

    Sorry, I wasn’t clear — the person posting the photos that you are replacing with bacon or whatever has no way of knowing that you are replacing them, so I don’t see why it’s a problem. It’s not like they get an alert saying “so and so just hid your baby photo!”

  10. Yes, hiding friends can work as well, but won’t make you giggle as much.

  11. Katherine says:

    It’s not like the person posting the photos knows that you’re hiding them, so I don’t see what the problem is.

  12. Cindy says:

    i’m not even sure i would consider it unfriendly unless i thought my kids were the center of everyone’s universe. 🙂

  13. Leilani says:

    Great blog. Typically I have “hidden” friends who were lucky enough to get pregnant while we tried. After we adopted, it was much easier to deal with. But then we did IVF and I had two miscarriages. It’s like people came out of the woodworks with a due date right when I was supposed to be and I’ve used the hide feature again. It’s not a lack of happiness for them, but it’s just easier not to see them go through what I thought I would at the same time as I would have had I not miscarried.

  14. I do get why someone might think it is rude or somehow unfriendly, but it entirely depends on the circumstances as to why someone wants to block kid/baby pictures.

  15. Cindy says:

    this is awesome! i love it!! i agree with you 100! i still hate seeing pictures of u/s’s that pop up on FB.

  16. Amber says:

    I saw the daytime talk show where they talked about this. Hey, to each their own, I suppose.

  17. Stacy says:

    Thank you, Dawn for posting this. This is so true. I am one of the second group, and I can barely cope with seeing all the new pregnancies/babies, friends or not. I think the Unbaby thing is a great idea. I wish it worked without Google Chrome.

  18. Jen says:

    Ha ha! What a great idea! I wish this had been around when we were going through the infertility. If only they could also have a service that also replaces all the baby announcements and pics of kids on Christmas cards with postcards of bacon too. Ha ha jk! I post pics of my kids a lot now and I totally would understand if someone wanted to hide them. In fact, makes me feel better that they can if they need to.

  19. R. N. says:

    To be honest, there were days and even months during my years of infertility that I too wished I could block out those never-ending pregnancy posts. Don’t get me wrong, I have always been happy for the family and their new addition BUT some days I was jealous or angry and it made me remember all the hurt I had gone through. I too, post pictures of my son and at first it was all the time for every small thing he did, but we had to celebrate the happy after all the years of sad. I now, am experiencing pregnancy for the first time but was very cautious when telling those that have suffered the same fate as I had because I knew what it felt like to hear those words, see those posts, etc. I never want someone to resent me or my actions, so if it helps them cope then I say DO IT! I find it slightly humorous and would totally understand the reasoning behind their actions since I have faced the same issues.

  20. Whole Child says:

    I have struggled with the bitterness and wanting to be happy for others, but just not being in a place where I could…and I have had the “joy” of pregnancy! But when are in the place of pain and bitterness b/c you are desperate for a child and can’t have one…you have to protect yourself (and others) from the bitterness spilling out all over the place. I quit looking at FB for a long long time and deleted all but close friends and family who were posting pics of cute babies. Every time I turned on the computer I wanted to cry or rage, and it took a toll on my self esteem and ability to enjoy life. So I say do what you gotta do, feel the feelings, and let the baby pictures show up as bacon if that helps you! I don’t necessarily see where looking at bacon and knowing it’s really a baby would help much, though.

  21. Whole Child says:

    The other thing about FB is that there is a TON of cyberbullying going on between mostly women. In the name of “sharing their opinion” people will make you feel like shit and attack you just b/c they can. I see this especially in groups for mothers and on parent-related pages…just check out the natural parenting pages if you don’t believe me. This negative experience with FB, combined with having to read pregnancy announcements while grieving your own loss…it can be just too much! I say protect yourself and make your FB experience work for you by not looking at shit that makes you feel bad about yourself! People’s “opinions” should not be used as weapons to bring you down! The losses we experience due to infertility, failed adoptions, etc are bad enough w/out having to be attacked by strangers on FB!

  22. Vera says:

    In all honesty, there were several times after my last misscarriage and during the very long wait when we were going through the adoption process that I had a hard time seeing and reading about pregancy posts, ultra sound pics and baby pics. I felt really bad for feeling that way because I was happy for my friends but it sometimes was too much. Is it rude to do the unbaby me? I do not think so -they have a right to share their happiness just as much as we have a right to protecet our feelings.

  23. Whole Child says:

    “One of the saddest parts of infertility is that it often causes people to withdraw both online and in person. The pain of seeing children and happy families is just too great a reminder of what they are missing. Withdrawing from life is not healthy. Infertility shouldn’t rob you of your life, as well as the ability to be a parent.” Well said, Dawn Davenport!

  24. anon says:

    Definitely not tacky! There are all kinds of horrible things one can do on the internet, but privately blocking out something unpleasant isnt one of them. Bacon away!

  25. Well, as long as we’re talking comfort food, there is always a baked potato smothered in butter.

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