Smack Worthy Comments in Infertility

Dawn Davenport


Insensitive Comments Made to the Infertile

People say the darndest things. ARGHHH!

Here’s a list of the top “smack worthy” comments the Creating a Family audience has heard lately.

  1. Maybe God meant for you to be a really great aunt.
  2. You’re too young to be worrying about not being able to conceive (said to a 28 year old with premature ovarian failure).
  3. Eat sweet potatoes (said to a woman whose husband has an extremely low sperm count).
  4. Stop stressing about it, that’s the worst thing you can do when you’re trying to get pregnant. (Nothing like being told to not stress for inducing stress.)
  5. Just remember Sarah in the Bible. (Said to a women who had a hysterectomy.)
  6. Trying must be fun. (You can read my thoughts on this comment on this blog.)
  7. When are you going to give us a grandbaby? We aren’t getting any younger. (And yes, they did know that she and her husband were struggling with infertility and in treatment.)
  8. Put a pillow under your butt after making love. It worked for me and I only tried for two months.
  9. Have your husband wear boxer shorts.
  10. And our all time favorite: Just adopt and you’ll get pregnant.

Have any to add????


Image credit: Gwendal

01/04/2014 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 18 Comments

18 Responses to Smack Worthy Comments in Infertility

  1. Avatar Geochick says:

    Did you have an hour long ultrasound when you were…,uh, oh sorry. Yeah the last word was “pregnant”. I checked with the person who said it.

  2. Avatar Rachael says:

    As someone who has not had any trouble getting pregnant, e.g. my first two were 13 months apart, which was a pleasant surprise, I haven’t experienced the heartbreak. But having friends who desperately desire children I am amazed at the selfish, hurtful comments of people who should know better.

  3. Avatar Annmarie says:

    I think some people can get pregnant easy so they take the blessing for granted,and really don’t pay no mind to what they say to people that might be struggling to get pregnant.becouse they have been fortunate enough to be spared the pain of infertility.

  4. Avatar AnonT says:

    Do people really say these things? When I was way way younger and not trying to conceive, I used to say if I had any fertility issues “I’d just adopt”. Until you’ve gone through infertility, you just have no idea, NO idea what it is like. But still, you’d think people would think just a little bit before they opened their mouthes…some of these comments are just…asinine.

  5. Avatar cb says:

    “Just adopt and you’ll get pregnant”

    As an adoptee, I find that offensive because it makes it sound like we are some sort of fertility totem.

    I believe that in the 70s, some doctors actually recommended to idiopathically infertile couples that they adopt to increase their changes of getting pregnant – how fair is that on the adopted child. NO person should EVER adopt because they are hoping it will lead to pregnancy.

  6. Avatar karen says:

    i think they meant for children who are sick and going through chemo — or poor and need them due to cold weather here. there are groups who do that here as a service and that is wonderful. But STILLLL…..

  7. Avatar Marie Rausch says:

    In the last now going on four years of us trying to bring our sweet little one into our arms we’ve had some doozies said to us! Especially when we “came out” really publicly about our infertility for a chance to win a donated IVF cycle. Up until the end of last year the only people that knew of our struggles was our immediate family & a few close friends.

    Besides all the ones listed above & some of the “standard” ridiculous commments people say to you when you’re TTC, here are some of the “best” ridiculous ones we’ve had said:
    – Have you considered Foster Care? Not only would you be able to help children that need homes, but you would also get paid doing it!
    – The medications with IVF are so unhealthy, are you sure it’s really “worth it”? You’d be putting yourself & the baby at risk?
    – Have you tried Acupuncture & Natural Supplements? Those worked for us when we didn’t get pregnant after the first month or two.
    – You’re so lucky you’re not pregnant, I’m so sick of _(fill in the blank) _.
    – I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore; I don’t see why anyone ever loves being pregnant or you even want to do this, I’m never going through this again.

    And our personal “favorite” of the most ridiculous suggestion to “solving” our infertility….
    – Instead of using a surrogate and still having to pay for IVF, why don’t you just let your husband impregnate a woman and then that would be your baby?

    So not only do we have to deal with infertility but now infidelity. And there is ABOSLUTELY nothing wrong with needing one, but we dont need a surrogate or gestational carrier. I’ve got all the “right parts” as my Dr.’s like to say, they’re just not lined up where they’re supposed to be. I was only born with my left ovary which is high in my pelvis and didnt descend to my left abnormally formed fallopian tube (that basically goes off into never-never land) and unfortunately my whole right side (ovary & fallopian tube) never developed. So when I ovulate my egg has no where to go to be fertilized in my uterus. IVF is our only option for us to have a chance at a biological child. Which we are very thankful for still having a chance.

  8. Avatar Marci says:

    Along those lines, I have a friend who has a passel of kids and they have needed funds at various times that I’ve been happy to help out with as I could.
    So once they told me, when I was talking about my IF treatments, that maybe my role in life was to provide for their kids.
    Um. No.
    I’m happy to help out, but I refuse to believe that my role in life is to pay for your kids.

  9. Avatar karen says:

    on second thought, i don’t want to knit caps. Not even for my own child. still trying to think of how I should have responded…

  10. Avatar karen says:

    “you can always knit caps for other babies who need them and focus your energies that way.” Said by someone who knows how much I have wanted kids for years I was speechless… so could not think of a response. I would love to knit caps for babies who need them but this hurt so much.

  11. Avatar anon says:

    “You want kids? Take mine!!!” Har har har. Wrong on multiple levels…

    • anon, I heard someone respond to the “You can have mine” comment once by pulling out their phone and offering to call their lawyer right then to draw up the papers. Talk about a conversation stopper.

  12. Avatar Dawn says:

    The one I got the other day was more scratch head worthy than smack worthy…it was – since you have your two kids , what will you do if you get pregnant? Are you going to get your tubes tied?

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