The Purgatory of Unexplained Infertility

Dawn Davenport


Would you rather be told you could never have kids or that we don’t know why you can’t have kids?

Unexplained infertility is can be an awful in-between state. As someone from the Creating a Family community commented:

I would rather be told “you can’t have kids” than be told “there is no reason why you can’t have kids, but it could happen at any time”.

She talked about living everyday with the thought that this could be the month, constantly tracking in her head her fertile days, and crying each month when her period came. She thought it would be much easier to know for certain that pregnancy was out of the question or at least very unlikely, than always wondering.

Craving a Diagnosis

Have you craved the certainty of a diagnosis? Is it easier to move forward if you know why you can’t get pregnant? Even with a diagnosis, you often don’t know for certain what your chances of pregnancy might be, but at least you have the general statistics for someone with your diagnosis. That gives some finality.

Ending the Monthly Torment

The woman I mentioned at the beginning, decided to take matters into her own hands.

Five months ago – after trying to conceive for 10 and half years (at age 32) I decided to tie my tubes. Seems silly when you spend 10 years crying over every missed period, always wondering and hoping. Timing your sex sessions with your hubby. I made the choice to stop the monthly torment, to stop the ever-consuming thoughts.

I have 4 children [from foster care adoption] that call me mom. I am blessed. I still struggle some days – but like I said, I would rather be told NO you can’t have kids.

Before I went into the surgery I asked the surgeon (who is also a friend of mine), to please come in and check on me. And when he does – I wanted to hear the words “you can’t have kids anymore.”

Is unexplained infertility the hardest to deal with? Would you consider tying your tubes to end the monthly “what if” game?

31/10/2014 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 0 Comments

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