Miscarriage: The Death of a Dream Child

I love this miscarriage tattoo one woman got to memorialize the death of her child. It didn’t matter that she was “only” 7 weeks or 6 weeks or 10 weeks pregnant. This was the loss of a dream–the loss of a dream child. People get tattoos for thousands of reasons, why not to memorialize the death of your dream child.

Your dreams of your child begin long before conception. They may intensify during your pregnancy, but they’ve been there all along. A miscarriage is the death of this dream child. Your grief is real regardless when during your pregnancy the baby is lost.

I’ve always been amazed at how little we know about the causes of miscarriages. It seems like something so basic as what makes a pregnancy fail would be obvious or at least the subject of intense research. The good news is that we are learning more each day. We talked about these recent breakthroughs on this Creating a Family show on The Latest Developments in Diagnosis and Prevention of Miscarriages. See highlights of what we covered below.

One of the hardest parts of the grief of pregnancy loss is that others don’t always recognize the  pain, and you are left alone with your grief. Regardless of the lack of understanding you need to acknowledge this loss and say good-bye to your child. Many people find it helpful to do something to celebrate this child that was and is no longer, and to honor their grief.  Some ideas are:

• Plant a tree or bush in honor of your child.
• Have a memorial service for your child.
• Write a letter to your baby and keep in with your keepsakes.
• Get a tattoo to memorialize this child.

I don’t think it matters so much what you do, so long as you do something tangible to honor your child and recognize your loss. What have you done or heard of other doing to acknowledge and honor the child they lost through miscarriage?

What We Talked About on the Creating a Family show on Diagnosis and Prevention of Miscarriages:

• How common is miscarriage?
• Is it more common in pregnancies that result from infertility treatment?
• Are pregnancies from IVF more likely to miscarry?
• The preferred term is recurrent pregnancy loss—how many times does a woman have to lose a pregnancy for it to be considered recurring?
• What are the most common causes for early miscarriages?
• What type of doctor treats recurrent pregnancy loss? Reproductive endocrinologist?
• What is a chemical pregnancy?
• What causes most miscarriages that occur after about 9-10 weeks of pregnancy?
• If you’ve had one miscarriage does that increase your likelihood of having another?
• How accurate are the statistics about the likelihood of recurrent loss given the advancement in sensitivity of home pregnancy tests over the last couple of years. Do these statistics take into account the very early losses that are now detectable by at home pregnancy tests?
• How do the causes of second trimester pregnancies differ from first trimester pregnancies?
• How do you determine the cause of recurrent pregnancy loss?
• Is weight a risk factor for pregnancy loss? Overweight? Under weight?
• Is polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) a risk factor for miscarriage?
• Does the risk of miscarriage increase with age and if so, how much?
• Can a woman’s immunological response cause a miscarriage?
• How are blood clotting issues related to miscarriage?
• How are uterine abnormalities related to miscarriages?
• What type of embryo screening can reduce the risk of pregnancy loss? PGD, PGS.
• What is the best stage in embryo development for doing PGD or PGS?
• Who should consider pre-implantation screening to prevent miscarriage?

Other Resources You Will Find Helpful:

• Did You Do Something to Cause Your Miscarriage
• Miscarriage Land Mine – “How Many Children Do You Have?”
• “You Were Hardly Pregnant”: Early Miscarriage Misunderstood