Loss of Control in Infertility

Dawn Davenport


Infertility Causes a Loss of Control

Of all the losses inherent in infertility, the loss of control can be the hardest.

We post a discussion question every day on the Creating a Family Facebook page and a few weeks ago the question was: Do you still “crave” the experience of having a bio child after you adopted?

We had a great discussion with some saying yes they still really wish to have this experience and others who couldn’t care less. And then someone posted the following:

I think the thing I crave even more than biology or pregnancy is control. Control over when and how many kids to have. Adoption can be so unpredictable and can take so long and cost so much it really adds a lot of pressure when deciding if there’s one more. And how nice would it be to have nine whole months to prepare, to have a due date you can, well sort of, depend on?

Of the many losses of infertility, perhaps the hardest to cope with is the loss of control.

  • Loss of control of when to have children.
  • Loss of control for how many children to have.
  • Loss of control of how to have children.
  • And maybe even the loss of control of if you will have children.

Even those who are not control-freaks feel the pain of having so little control over something so fundamental in life.

How hard has the loss of control from infertility been for you?

P.S. Please go to the Creating a Family Facebook page and click “like”. While you’re there join in our daily discussion.


Image credit: Emyan

26/03/2014 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 3 Comments

3 Responses to Loss of Control in Infertility

  1. Avatar Alice says:

    I was just thinking about this topic. I’m frustrated by the lack of control and I don’t think the average fertile couple understands just how much it sucks.

  2. Avatar Jody says:

    Maybe I’m weak, but I’ll always be sad that I couldn’t conceive a second child.

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