If after all the fertility doctors, shots, and test—if after all the tears and prayers you finally get pregnant, you deserve to relax and settle into a blissful pregnancy, right? You may deserve it, but seldom does it work out that way.
Many who have suffered through infertility and recurrent pregnancy losses have a hard time trusting their body to successfully carry this baby to term. Rather than the bliss they expected, their pregnancy is full of:
- Fear on every trip to the bathroom expecting to see blood,
- Over-focus on every pain, and
- Wanting to slap the next person who glibly tells you not to worry.
Our bodies are the lifelines for our babies, but our bodies don’t exactly have a good track record at baby making, so how can we trust them at baby growing.
It’s Normal and That Sucks
I wish it weren’t so, but almost every woman who has experience infertility, and especially those who’ve had multiple miscarriages, feels this fear during their pregnancy to some degree. Many report that they relax somewhat after about 30 weeks when they know that their baby would likely survive a premature birth, but even then many fear if they haven’t felt the baby move in the last hour (or minute).
Let Your Obstetrician Know
You have every reason to be afraid whether your fears are grounded in reality or not. Let your obstetrician know that you will need more handholding because of your history. Ask for more frequent appointments and/or sonograms if that gives you reassurance–and it probably will.
Many women report that yoga or some other type of mind-body relaxation works to calm them during a pregnancy after infertility or miscarriage. The added advantage is you attend a pregnancy yoga class you will be around other pregnant women and will see that they all have some degree of fear, which may help you keep things in perspective.
Were you able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy after infertility or miscarriage? At what point in the pregnancy did you worry less?
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Other Creating a Family Resources You Will Enjoy
- Pregnancy after Infertility – When Will I Be Less Afraid?
- “You Were Hardly Pregnant”: Early Miscarriage Misunderstood
- IVF Onesies-Would You Advertise Your Baby’s IVF Conception?
Add Your Comment
We are in need of a surrogate to carry our baby as I am unable due to health issues. I don’t know where to start. Any advice?
Creating a Family has lots of resources on Surrogacy at A-Z Infertility Resource Guide (https://creatingafamily.org/infertility/resources/).
I had several instances of bleeding in the first tri, and I remember the horror that came over me every time I saw blood on the toilet paper. I had just had my second miscarriage a few months before, and it was plagued with heavy bleeding from the start. My anxiety was through the roof. It went down some during the third tri, but then I worried she’d be stillborn. The only things that helped were my home fetal doppler, and frequent ultrasounds.
Now she is sleeping on my chest, 6 months old, and I still worry sometimes about stuff like SIDS or choking. That seems more normal though. 🙂
I’m glad you brought up the at home doppler. I meant to mention that. Very useful at relieving anxiety.
I’m 32 weeks and I still worry although less than I did during the first half of my pregnancy. I think a part of me doesn’t want to get too excited because of past miscarriage. But other than some bleeding during the first trimester I’ve had a very healthy pregnancy and now I’m having weekly ultrasounds due to other risk factors so that helps me not worry so much. I just can’t wait to hold the baby in my arms so I can not worry about losing her.
Monique, I hope that that time comes in 8 weeks and that you’ll report back that you have a healthy beautiful baby.
I found it to be very true that it was difficult to relax at times and allow my body to do what it needed to once I finally got pregnant. I did have moments of panic and worry throughout and I did relax after a while. I started worrying again when I got close to my due date and went over that maybe my boy would be stillborn. Thankfully I had an uneventful pregnancy and my boy is healthy as can be. 🙂
Here from ICLW.
I’m so glad you shared your story. You worried, but all was well at the end.