If you are finally pregnant after years of trying, you should expect to feel nothing but joy – right?? Unfortunately, joy is just one of the many emotions a woman might feel after she is finally pregnant after infertility.

Pregnant after infertility - What do you do now?

You are finally pregnant after fertility treatment. Now what?

The emotional scars of infertility do not disappear the moment you see the positive line on the pregnancy test. They often don’t go away when this much longed for pregnancy is confirmed by the official blood test or even with the sound of a steady thumping heart on the sonogram.

Infertility, like many diseases, is a process. The realization that you are infertile begins with an inkling of worry that mounts until you see your gynecologist. The emotional turmoil may subside some when you walk through the infertility clinic door but comes roaring back the moment the first treatment isn’t successful.

All of this fear and longing leaves its mark and these scars don’t go away the second you get pregnant.

Emotions when Finally Pregnant after Infertility

It is totally normal to feel a huge variety of emotions when you are finally pregnant after trying for years.

  • Thrilled
  • Terrified
  • Cautious
  • Numb/Detached

For many women, the fear of miscarriage is easier to deal with than the feeling of being detached from this pregnancy. Remember, all these emotions are normal.

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The emotional scars of infertility do not disappear the moment you see the positive line on the pregnancy test.

Cut Yourself Some Slack

If all you feel is joy and intense gratitude when you are finally pregnant after infertility, then you can stop reading right here. Congrats!! You can go back to puking with a smile on your face.

If, however, mixed with that joy and gratitude you also feel scared or detached or any of a host of unexpected emotions, you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you and these feelings won’t last forever.

In other words, cut yourself some slack!

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Did Anything Positive Come Out of Your Infertility Struggles?

Be Upfront with Your Obstetrician/Midwife

Probably sooner than you like, you will be discharged from your infertility doctor back to your obstetrician/gynecologist. Be upfront with your obstetrician about your fears. Don’t be afraid to ask for a little more hand-holding.

You might want to ask for more frequent sonograms. You might need to call the nurse more frequently to ask about symptoms. All of these are fair requests from someone who has had to work so hard for this pregnancy.

Learn About Normal Pregnancy Symptoms

It is totally normal to be fearful of losing this pregnancy, but many fears can be allayed if you know what to expect. Most of the time the twinges and gurglings you feel are the signs of a healthy pregnancy. Any of the What to Expect style books can be immensely reassuring.

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Learning to Trust Your Body might not come naturally. That's okay.

Find Someone to Talk With

While these feelings are normal for someone who is finally pregnant after infertility, that doesn’t mean that they are pleasant. If you are able to not overly obsess over the fear and anxiety of losing this pregnancy and are able to sleep, then talking with your friends who have been pregnant is likely enough. If, however, your feelings are overwhelming or are robbing you of being able to enjoy this long-awaited pregnancy, then ask your obstetrician for a recommendation of a counselor. You deserve to be able to enjoy this pregnancy.

Image credit: Caroline; ArcheiaMuriel