Still Imagine You Might Be Pregnant Each Month Even after Adopting?
OK, fess up. Raise your hand if even after you’ve completed your family through adoption or successful infertility treatment, you still secretly do one (or all) of the following:
- Track your ovulation (not through ovulation predictor kits, but in an offhanded way of noticing symptoms and timing), and make sure that you have a romantic evening during that time.
- Look for pregnancy symptoms towards the end of your cycle.
- Feel disappointed when your period comes because your body once again failed you.
You are not alone. The longing to be pregnant is hard to kill.
Yearning to be Pregnant
It’s a weird thing this yearning to be pregnant. For some it almost feels instinctual. If asked, you would likely say you’re happy with your family just the way it is. You might even say that you are glad to be finished with diapers and two year olds, and you’re probably very glad to be finished with fertility treatment. And yet, if you are one day late, that little seed of hope starts to grow and you analyze every symptom (are your breasts a little more tender, are you more tired than usual, are you craving more meat) and start wondering. By the second day late, you may even start planning.
What is wrong with you?!?
This is a part of life you didn’t get to experience – pregnancy, birth, genetic continuity. Your desire to experience this part of womanhood may be diminished, but that doesn’t mean it is completely extinguished.
What to Do?
If it’s a momentary feeling, then just knowing you’re not alone should help. If, however, the cycle of hope then disappointment is wearing on you or interfering with your joy and appreciation of your life and family, then seek help, preferably from a therapist that understands infertility grief. Creating a Family has some resources to help find such a therapist.
Although not for everyone, I know of a number of women who, even though they are infertile, start using birth control after they adopted, just so they no longer have to wonder each month if this might be the month that their body finally started working.
Have you ever had this experience of imagining a pregnancy each month after you adopted or completed your family through successful infertility treatment?
Image credit: Amanda D. Olson