A while back we took a poll of which holiday is hardest for the infertile: Christmas, Hanukah, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, Easter, or Halloween? Which holiday is hardest for the infertile? You may be surprised.

which is the hardest holiday for the infertile

As is probably no surprise Mother’s Day came in first in our survey by a wide margin. However, second place was a bit of a surprise with a tie between Christmas and Halloween, with Easter a close third.

The reasons for Mother’s Day being so hard are obvious: the celebration of all you want but can’t have is bound to be a painful day. The reasons for Christmas seem fairly obvious too. The magic of the holiday as seen through the eyes of a child and being surrounded by nieces and nephews makes for a painful reminder of your loss. Halloween and Easter might be less obvious.

Think back to the topic of conversation in mid-October. Your real life and social networking conversations were full of plans for what little Junior or Juniorette were going to be for Halloween. On November 1st you are inundated with pictures of little ghosts, goblins, and action heros carrying plastic pumpkins full of candy.

Easter has also become a very child-centered holiday. Think about what your Facebook feed looked like on Easter this year. Was it full of adorable Easter bonnets, smocked dresses, little bow ties, and chocolate smeared little faces? Probably. It’s hard to be childless in the midst of all this adorableness.

Which holiday is hardest for the infertile?
Do the holidays make you want to shoot the nearest Peep? Take heart–you are not alone.

Words from the Infertile-Which Holiday is Hardest?

Here’s a sampling of what we heard in our survey.

  • Mother’s Day is the hardest: every year I think it will be my last year being without children and every year it isn’t.
  • I found Mother’s Day the most difficult and began to avoid it as we struggled through the adoption process. I would go into hiding for the weekend.
  • Halloween- all those pictures of parents taking their kids to the pumpkin patch- ugh!
  • Once my siblings started having kids, our family Christmas traditions became all about them. I understand, but it is so hard.
  • It was always Mother’s Day for me… I just felt so excluded and empty. Like I didn’t belong.
  • Not sure why Easter is so hard for me. I think it’s like Halloween. Pretty dresses and suits and costumes.
  • Christmas, and all the lead up to Christmas, seems to last so long. We dread the family get-togethers and who is going to announce they are pregnant this year.
  • Easter yes…I remember how special it was for me and my mom and family. All the pretty clothes and seeming kids everywhere you turn.
  • Hanukah seems to go on forever. I either have to participate in my sister and her kid’s celebration every week or I have to hear about it from my parents. I love them and am happy for their excitement and happiness, but it highlights what I don’t have. And did I mention that it goes on forever!
  • None for me. I adopted and now don’t worry about not being able to have a bio kid. And I’m adopted too.

So how about you? Which holiday is the hardest for you?

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First published in 2014; Updated in 2018
Image credit: Steve James (Mother’s Day); Charles Rodstrom (Easter); Paul Saad (Halloween);  (Christmas); Juhan Sonin; lindes (shattered Peep)