Dear Fertile, but Clueless Friend:
For the record, “trying” is actually not fun. When you think of trying to make a baby, you think of that giddy time when you first start trying to conceive – when each time you had sex you knew that maybe, just maybe, a new life had begun. You remember or imagine that time when the excitement of possibility added extra passion to every touch.
Yeah, we remember that time too. But we’re past it–way way past it.
We’re into the next phase of trying. When lovemaking is scheduled around the ovulation predictor’s pee stick or our cervical mucus reading. Yeah, mucus and pee are about as romantic as they sound.
Sometimes we don’t even remember what it was like to look forward to making love.
We’re into the phase where fear of failure has replaced the excitement of possibility. We do everything possible to not let our hopes get too high so the disappointment isn’t too great.
We’re into the phase where we have to take a break from making love when “it doesn’t count” (when there is no possibility of conception). Yes, imagine that – we have to stop doing something that used to be one of the greatest ways we connected as a couple because it is now weighted with so much darn sadness and anxiety.
We’re into the phase where there are doctors, shots, prodding, and poking.
We’re into the phase where we sometimes cry into our pillow or each other’s shoulders after we make love.
So, for the record, trying isn’t all that much fun.
Best wishes, Your Infertile Friend
Other Creating a Family Resources You Will Enjoy
- Being Odd Woman Out: The Curse of Infertility
- Playing the Blame Game in Infertility (Blaming Your Spouse)
- Finding the Blessing in Infertility: Surviving and Thriving with a Diagnosis of Infertility
Image credit: Janice Jupiter
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we were just talking about this yesterday. I remember how we’d have our everyotherdayandtwicewhenovulating sex, even when one of us was sick. we’d turn our faces away from each other – it was terrible.
Rosie – that’s such a great quote. Two failed IVF cycles and two failed adoptions later, I really relate to it as well.
I forgot to mention the standing on your head part. Yeah, that’s a lot of fun.
We’ve never TTC’d (knew prior to marriage that my fertility is nil), but there are days when I feel so let down about how long our adoption process is taking that I really related to this:
“Weâ€™re into the phase where fear of failure has replaced the excitement of possibility. Where we do everything possible to not let our hopes get too high so the disappointment isnâ€™t too great.”
Scheduled PLUS practically standing on your head afterwards is super fun!!! Not to mention that the romance is gone because all you can think about is getting pregnant this time and your husband feels like a piece of meat. Oh yeah good times :-)))
well it can be fun we think it is ne way cause its that ooo baby were ovulating thing lol but ether way we have to use a donor so even the skipped months an we O its exciting
Yeah cause getting the preseed out and scheduling sex is awesome!!
Geesh. Hated when people made that comment!