Going to baby Showers when you are infertile

Almost every infertile woman I know dreads the arrival of pastel colored envelopes in the mail inviting her to a baby shower. How in the world can she navigate these invitations without hurting either her friend or herself. One option is a letter explaining what you are going through.

Dear Pregnant Friend:

It is with a sad heart that I write you this letter telling you that I won’t be at your baby shower. I so want to come and celebrate with you this exciting time in your life, but unfortunately I need to take care of myself right now.

I think you know that we’ve been trying to get pregnant for several years now. Being infertile is like having a bruise on your heart. When you are bruised you protect the spot—guarding it from being bumped. That’s where I am right now in the disease process—being very self-protective and trying to avoid situation that cause me pain.

I want you to know how truly happy I am for you. Funny as it may seem, I can be genuinely excited for you and equally sad for me. One doesn’t take away from the other—they can and do both existed side by side within me.

I had hoped I could push the sad aside for the afternoon and come and celebrate with you, but the thought of doing so fills me with such dread that it multiplies my pain. I just don’t have the energy right now to overcome my feelings—even for a friend like you that I care so much about.

Please don’t take it personally. Know that I care about you and your baby, but I need to give myself permission to take care of myself, even though I risk hurting your feelings. Infertility sucks!


P.S. This is the second in our Dear Friends & Family Series of blogs. Check out the first: Dear Pregnant Friend: Why I Seem Like a Selfish B_tch

Please send me ideas of things you would like to tell your friends, sisters, and cousins about infertility. Send to: dawn at creatingafamily.org.

Image credit: Ayca Wilson