Father's Day for the Infertile Dad
Where does the man in your life find support for his grief over infertility or miscarriage? Does he feel this pain?

Fathers, or more specifically prospective or wannabe fathers, are often forgotten in the world of infertility. We women talk and share our grief and frustration with our infertility struggles or miscarriage losses, and as a result, we usually find support. Not so for many of our partners.

Society doesn’t encourage men to show grief. Male friendships often don’t allow for active grieving either, especially for a loss of something that isn’t “concrete”. The death of a spouse or child is easier to recognize as a loss rather than the death of a dream or a miscarriage. I think this is particularly the case with men.

In addition, many men feel like they have to be strong for their wives. When an IVF cycle fails or a pregnancy is lost, they want to be the shoulder their wife can cry on and the rock that offers support. But who supports them? Whose shoulder can they cry on?

Father’s Day is around the corner. In honor of the dads-in-waiting, I share with you this poem. Please share it with others this week so that these “forgotten dads” will be remembered on Sunday.

A Father’s Grief
By Eileen Knight Hagemeister

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief.
Since “men don’t cry” and “men are strong”
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test.
And field calls and visitors
So that she can get some rest.

They always ask if she’s alright
And what she’s going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
“My friend, how are you?”

He hears her cry in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
And dries her tears and comforts her
But “stays strong” for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Where does the man in your life find support for the grief he feels over not being a dad?

Image credit: NYCandre