• Miscarriage: The Death of a Dream Child

    Dawn Davenport



    The pain of miscarriage is real regardless how far into the pregnancy it happens. Check out this miscarriage tattoo which helped one woman cope with her miscarriage grief.

    I love this miscarriage tattoo one woman got to memorialize the death of her child. It didn’t matter that she was “only” 7 weeks or 6 weeks or 10 weeks pregnant. This was the loss of a dream–the loss of a dream child. People get tattoos for thousands of reasons, why not to memorialize the death of your dream child.

    Your dreams of your child begin long before conception. They may intensify during your pregnancy, but they’ve been there all along. A miscarriage is the death of this dream child. Your grief is real regardless when during your pregnancy the baby is lost.

    I’ve always been amazed at how little we know about the causes of miscarriages. It seems like something so basic as what makes a pregnancy fail would be obvious or at least the subject of intense research. The good news is that we are learning more each day. We talked about these recent breakthroughs on this Creating a Family show on The Latest Developments in Diagnosis and Prevention of Miscarriages. See highlights of what we covered below.


    One of the hardest parts of the grief of pregnancy loss is that others don’t always recognize the  pain, and you are left alone with your grief. Regardless of the lack of understanding you need to acknowledge this loss and say good-bye to your child. Many people find it helpful to do something to celebrate this child that was and is no longer, and to honor their grief.  Some ideas are:

    • Plant a tree or bush in honor of your child.
    • Have a memorial service for your child.
    • Write a letter to your baby and keep in with your keepsakes.
    • Get a tattoo to memorialize this child.

    I don’t think it matters so much what you do, so long as you do something tangible to honor your child and recognize your loss. What have you done or heard of other doing to acknowledge and honor the child they lost through miscarriage?

    The Overwhelming Pain of a Miscarriage

    Miscarriage: The Death of a Dream Child

    What We Talked About on the Creating a Family show on Diagnosis and Prevention of Miscarriages:

    • How common is miscarriage?
    • Is it more common in pregnancies that result from infertility treatment?
    • Are pregnancies from IVF more likely to miscarry?
    • The preferred term is recurrent pregnancy loss—how many times does a woman have to lose a pregnancy for it to be considered recurring?
    • What are the most common causes for early miscarriages?
    • What type of doctor treats recurrent pregnancy loss? Reproductive endocrinologist?
    • What is a chemical pregnancy?
    • What causes most miscarriages that occur after about 9-10 weeks of pregnancy?
    • If you’ve had one miscarriage does that increase your likelihood of having another?
    • How accurate are the statistics about the likelihood of recurrent loss given the advancement in sensitivity of home pregnancy tests over the last couple of years. Do these statistics take into account the very early losses that are now detectable by at home pregnancy tests?
    • How do the causes of second trimester pregnancies differ from first trimester pregnancies?
    • How do you determine the cause of recurrent pregnancy loss?
    • Is weight a risk factor for pregnancy loss? Overweight? Under weight?
    • Is polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) a risk factor for miscarriage?
    • Does the risk of miscarriage increase with age and if so, how much?
    • Can a woman’s immunological response cause a miscarriage?
    • How are blood clotting issues related to miscarriage?
    • How are uterine abnormalities related to miscarriages?
    • What type of embryo screening can reduce the risk of pregnancy loss? PGD, PGS.
    • What is the best stage in embryo development for doing PGD or PGS?
    • Who should consider pre-implantation screening to prevent miscarriage?

    Other Resources You Will Find Helpful:

    Originally published in 2013. Updated and republished 2015.
    Image credit: Selbe Lynn

    25/01/2016 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 10 Comments

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    10 Responses to Miscarriage: The Death of a Dream Child

    1. Beth, I am so so sorry for your losses. {hugs}

    2. Beth says:

      I am looking forward to listening to this. As someone who has had a 39 week loss and a 17 week loss with no known cause, the support and understanding that I have received from those that have been there has been critical in getting me through my darkest moments. Pregnancy loss can feel very isolating.

      • marilynn says:

        I had many miscarriages and one child die not long after he was born. I do think the death of a born child is an actual death of a born separate person but 39 week loss is incredibly close to born then lost. I was not that far along when my son was born so I feel for you. I would not even classify that as a miscarriage really since that is well past the point of being viable if born. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    3. Beth says:

      Thank you ladies. While I would give anything to have my girls with me right now, it is all part of life’s journey and has led me to this group! I am so inspired by the families that I see on here and I know that God will help me build the beautiful family that I have dreamed of 🙂

    4. Karen says:

      Oh my gosh, Beth I am so, so sorry. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

    5. Rayne says:

      Wow Beth Lesher Leong. I’m do sorry. I’ve lost two pregnancies myself and it is so difficult. I cannot imagine being late term miscarriages as mine were early on. So tough. But without those happening in my life, I wouldn’t have brought home the most amazing boy via adoption. And now a baby via ivf in 3.5 months. God led me down a path that I didn’t always agree with or enjoy but finally things are working out. A lot if faith and a great support system led me to where and who I am now. I pray you get the family you long for. Big hugs.

    6. Carolyn says:

      “When a parent dies, you lose your past but wen your child dies, you lose your future.” Beth, I am so sorry. I have also lost 2 to stillbirth (26 wks – cord accident and 34 weeks – fatal dx at 19 weeks). It is most definitely a journey we didn’t *enjoy*.. but it was the same for the wonderful young man we now call “son”… who lost his parents when he was abandoned in China and spent 14 years in an orphanage. Nothing anyone can say can make this any easier though.

    7. Beth says:

      Rayne and Carolyn – thank you for sharing your stories. Your remind me that I am not alone and that there is always hope!

    8. Carolyn says:

      and a FWIW – anything over 20 weeks (some states it’s 24) is the gestation of viability. Any loss after that time is a stillbirth, not a miscarriage. Those mothers face the “what if” of “what if we had caught it in time?” because the baby could have theoretically survived.

    9. Excellent program — very much appreciated! I’m also glad to hear that you’ll have an upcoming show focused on genetic screening. One question: do you know the name of the person/study mentioned ~60:23? I couldn’t quite make it out, but would like to look it up and find out more details. Thanks!

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