Do you ever feel, maybe just a little, that your infertility is a punishment for something you did or didn’t do–that you somehow deserve your infertility?
Infertility can chew you up and spit you out looking and feeling much the worse for the experience. While we each deal with infertility in our own unique way, we can learn from those who have lived through it and come out on the other end more or less whole.
One particularly devastating feeling that some people have is that infertility is a punishment for something they did or didn’t do. We seldom feel that way about other diseases. In fact, we’d be horrified if someone implied or we felt that our diabetes, lupus, or cancer was a punishment.
Infertility, however, is often treated as a lifestyle choice that your life decisions or general karma can impact. You should have started trying sooner, you shouldn’t have married that man, you should have married sooner, you shouldn’t have smoked, you should have prayed more, you … The shoulds and shouldn’ts can drive you nuts.
Infertility is not a punishment inflicted on you for something you did or didn’t do.
L. Encee, an infertility patient, who was unsuccessful in treatment, but became a mom through adoption, posted some sage advice in the Creating a Family Facebook Support Group.
Don’t see life as a big Karmic scorecard. Infertility is a medical condition, same as any other. It isn’t a referendum on your worth as a human being. There’s no need to compare yourself to anyone else, or to the elusive “normal”, whatever that means. You aren’t broken. You don’t need fixing.
Infertility isn’t punishment for unknown sins; it isn’t a statement on whether you are fit to parent.
The sooner you realize there’s no rhyme or reason to any of it, that there is no “meant to be”, but just what “is”, the more centered and contented you will be.
One foot in front of the other. Breathe in, breathe out. Love each other.
Other Creating a Family Resources You Will Enjoy
- The Loneliness of Infertility
- Infertility: Balancing Hope with Not Hoping Too Much
- The Unique Pain of Infertility and Why It’s So Hard to Cope
Image credit: Susan Ackeridge (Karmic symbol)
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How to deal with a childless woman who is 58yrs old but in denial, she had a hystorectomy and still believes she can have a baby. I’m the leader of our community based organisation and she is so sensitive, we asked the members to give us a beneficiary’s name. She exploded saying we are saying these things because she does’nt have children. She is such an unpleasant person to be with. It’s like she is blaming God. Please advice I don’t know how to deal with her.
I’m sorry — that sounds frustrating. However, we are not legal experts, nor are we medical experts. So we would recommend that you speak with the leadership of your community organization and get their input for how to handle this.