Deep and insightful post by a birth mother who posts at the blog First Loved on the realities of placing a child. It’s tempting to avoid reading the point of view of first parents, but we adoptive parents really need to understand their perspective.
“OHHHHHH!!! He is amazing! You will be amazing parents.”
These were all comments on the first picture my son’s adoptive parents ever posted of him. She posted the picture with the caption:
“Today, our world changed forever. Because of the love of such a wonderful, selfless, and incredibly STRONG young woman, My husband & I became parents. Our family has grown by way more than just 2 feet. Because of this precious baby boy, we have also gained a new family. For someone to sacrifice so much, how could you not love them forever? I know that our journey may not make sense to others, but that’s okay. It’s only our journey to understand…”
I could never express how much it meant to me that she included me in her caption, but as the comments flowed in my heart broke a bit. I watched as people congratulated them and sent kisses. People were so excited to meet him! And no one cared about me.
After 9 months of pregnancy, 10 hours of labor, and leaving that hospital without my baby, only one person mentioned me… And she was a fellow birth mother.
She goes on to say, as she closes,
All of this being said, adoption is a beautiful thing. Although I am hurting, I am at peace knowing that my son is safe and loved. He is being raised by two amazing people who will love him unconditionally and give him the best life possible. While sometimes I regret my decision and wish I had chose to parent, I realize I did the right thing. Not for me but for my boy. I am blessed to have an extremely open adoption where I get to play a big role in his life.
I hope this helps you prepare you for what is coming. I didn’t write this to persuade you to change your mind, I wrote it prepare you. There are so many resources for adoptive parents but no one ever cares about the birth moms. I also hope, that if you are looking to adopt, already have adopted, or even just have a birth mother in your life, you would read this and be conscious of what you do and say. What you would consider a little comment can send a birth mother spiraling for the rest of the day…
Read this well written blog and truly let her words sink in.
Photo Credit: Ambernectar 13