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  • A Song for a Miscarriage, Infertility, or Adoption Loss

    Dawn Davenport

    52

    Pink wrote Beam Me Up after a miscarriage I’ve never been a huge Pink (as in the musician) fan. In fairness, I’ve never listened to her much, but my assumption based on the few songs I heard was that her music was heavy on hard partying, messy breaking ups, with lots of FUs thrown in for good measure. Not exactly my taste, but I’m having to readjust my ideas after hearing this beautiful ballad—Beam Me Up. I later learned that she wrote it after a miscarriage, which more or less sealed the deal and got her added to my Pandora channel. Listen to it, and I dare you not to cry or at least get a little moist.

    Beam Me Up

    There’s a whole ‘nother conversation going on
    In a parallel universe.
    Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
    There’s a waltz playin’ frozen in time
    Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
    I look at you and you’re lookin’ at me.

    Could you beam me up,
    Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
    I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
    Beam me up,
    Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
    I think a minute’s enough,
    Just beam me up.

    Saw a blackbird soarin’ in the sky,
    Barely a breath I caught one last sight
    Tell me that was you sayin’ goodbye,
    There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
    It only happens when I’m on my own,
    That’s how you tell me I’m not alone

    Could you beam me up,
    Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
    I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
    Beam me up,
    Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
    I think a minute’s enough,
    Just beam me up.

    In my head I see your baby blues
    I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s
    One of me, with you

    So when I need you can I send you a sign
    I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights
    I’ll pick a star and watch you shine

    Just beam me up,
    Give me a minute, I don’t know what I’d say in it
    I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
    Beam me up,
    Let me be lighter, I’m tired of being a fighter,
    I think, a minute’s enough,
    Beam me up
    Beam me up
    Beam me up
    Could you beam me up.

    Pink and daughter she had after a miscarriage As much as we don’t want to hear this in the midst of pain, sometimes a huge loss results in something beautiful. And I’m happy to report that Pink and husband Carey Hart are now the proud parents of a beautiful daughter — Willow Sage.

    When you were in the midst of your infertility, miscarriage, or failed adoption grief what made you feel better? Did this pain result in something positive? 

     

    Other Creating a Family resources you will enjoy:

    17/04/2013 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Adoption, Adoption Blog, Blog, Infertility, Infertility Blog | 52 Comments


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    52 Responses to A Song for a Miscarriage, Infertility, or Adoption Loss

    1. Pingback: Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month – Hope after the Storm

    2. Jill says:

      Beautiful song…on 5/19/09 I lost my baby at 9 weeks.. worst pain I’ve ever faced in my life…I chose a d&c…worst 1 month I had to go through to have my surgery to remove my baby…7 years later I still suffer and think of what could’ve been…1 year after my loss, I was pregnant again and even more blessed with my now 5 year old daughter…I know I have an angel with me daily…

    3. Janet says:

      Right before my daughter turned one in 2015, I found out that I was 7 weeks pregnant and that there was no heartbeat. I know it was for the better as I was going through school and financially my hubby and I would not be able to afford another child. I still had alot of sad sad days over it. The doctors gave me medicine to make me miscarry and it was soo very hard and so upsetting. As my daughter just turned 2 I think about it all the time. I still have bad moments but I look at my daughter and am so thankful, and I know that it was the right thing and meant to be.

    4. Eric says:

      After our daughter was born still I came across this singer/songwriter named Jetty Rae. She also had a daughter who was still born and has written some beautiful songs and a blog about it

      https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9qeZ5__PwQ0

      The blog is the singing hitchhiker

    5. Melissa.M.Loss says:

      She Has some very good music that’s not known due to it being buried in cds full of mainstream acceptable bull….If you dig, you may find a few more that are more to your taste…..
      The Greatest Works many Artist create are lost in all the fluff and bull…..After listen to whole cds I have found I like multiple artists I would have never considered only hearing the mainstream, aired and released “music”……

    6. StephanieK says:

      Very touching song, can’t say I’ve heard it before though.
      I look forward to reading more if your blogs, they look very interesting.

    7. Whole Child says:

      🙁

    8. Leia says:

      So Hard by The Dixie Chicks (about Martie Maguire and Emily Robison’s fertility struggles)
      Back when we started
      We didn’t know how hard it was
      Living on nothing
      But what the wind would bring to us
      Now we’ve got something
      I can imagine fighting for
      So why is fighting all that we’re good at anymore

      And sometimes I don’t have the energy
      To prove everybody wrong
      And I try my best to be strong
      But you know it’s so hard
      It’s so hard

      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come fast
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy
      It’s so hard

      It felt like a given
      Something a woman’s born to do
      A natural ambition
      To see a reflection of me and you

      And I’d feel so guilty
      If that was a gift I couldn’t give
      And could you be happy
      If life wasn’t how we pictured it

      And sometimes I just want to wait it out
      To prove everybody wrong
      And I need your help to move on
      Cause you know it’s so hard
      It’s so hard

      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come fast
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy
      So hard

      I can live for the moment
      When all these clouds open up for me to see
      And show me a vision
      Of you and me swimming peacefully

      Last night you told me
      That you can’t remember
      How to feel free

      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come fast
      It’s so hard when it doesn’t come easy, easy

      It’s so hard

    9. MJ says:

      Not sure if this is on topic, but one song that I have always associated with IF, miscarriage and adoption loss is “Written in the Stars” by Elton John and Leann Rimes. I know this song is from a musical but I am not familiar with the story played out in the whole drama, but this song is one that I associate with the sadness, injustice, and despair that so often accompanies these life crises. I would not recommend this song if you want to be uplifted necessarily, but sometimes it can be comforting to have your experience, warts and all, described by someone who has a singing voice. I especially like it because it has both a man and a woman singing their sorrow together-appropriate for IF, miscarriage, and adoption loss. Thanks

    10. demi says:

      Hello,name is Demi Anderson and I am here to inform you that no,not all of pinks songs is a bunch of meaningless songs that imply people to “F off” in fact she takes a lot of thought and love in her songs.for example: family portrait, perfect, the great escape,nobody knows, Conversation with my 13 year old self etc. She is really talented people just don’t know it.

    11. Cindy says:

      i read the term “ambiguous loss.” that really fits what happened to us. we didn’t imagine the child in our home. he was in our home. for nearly 6 mo. we know the situation he was returned to and why. none of it is good.

    12. Bethany says:

      I just wanted to offer anyone going through miscarriage, surrogacy, IVF, infertility complications that needs someone to talk to, that they could talk to me. I was a surrogate for an incredible family and after a year and a half of a miscarriage and complications, I ended up having twin boys for them. I am an open book and just want to be available for anyone who just needs someone to listen (Read). Email me at Bethanynicole08@yahoo.com 🙂

    13. Emily says:

      Pink has suffered a miscarriage. Google it. I didnt know about it until she got pregnant with Willow. She kept it hidden.

    14. Mandy says:

      I’ve always loved Pink and her edgy tenderness! I’m glad others do to! Great song!

    15. Christine says:

      Miscarriage and adoption loss are pains people always carry with them. I do think they are lonely griefs because it isn’t something people find easy to talk about. Adoption loss hurts because people will always wonder what happened to that child they saw in their home in their mind’s eye.

    16. Gemma says:

      The song may have been written for a friend but Pink did suffer a miscarriage. One that she spoke about on the Ellen Show and how it devastated her.

    17. Anna said:

      i love her, love, love

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 10:39 am on April 17, 2013]

    18. Cindy said:

      i cried too – just read the latest update on the ICWA case going to the supreme court. so between that and this song, that is 2 lost boys for me.

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 10:26 am on April 17, 2013]

    19. Dawn said:

      Thanks Debby for the correction. I should know better than to believe what I read on the internet. She sure captured the feeling perfectly for someone who hasn’t experienced it herself.

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 3:19 pm on April 17, 2013]

    20. Kristina said:

      i love it! for me, mine keep changing – i’m sure people have many to contribute!

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 10:22 am on April 17, 2013]

    21. Debby said:

      I love Pink and have seen her live, many times. She is an amazing artiist and an amazing person. Beam Me Up was actually written for a friend of hers who lost a child.

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 10:16 am on April 17, 2013]

    22. Gemma said:

      I think Pink has evolved over the years. She has said that having her daughter changed how she thought about music. In fact I am pretty sure I read an article where she discusses the FUs and how she still will include them but does see things a bit differently now. I’ll have to see if I can find it. One of my good friends who finally had her miracle after several rounds of IUI’s really leaned on her music. I think we all have those songs and I love Kristina’s suggestion. We may need a few FU songs just for fun or else I’ll be balling uncontrollably. I have always loved Celine and that song just really helped me express my feelings very loudly in the privacy of my car 🙂

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 10:08 am on April 17, 2013]

    23. Dawn said:

      anon, your post touched me. [She had an enormous impact on the world, especially on her mother who will never forget her or stop loving her.] Amen!

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 3:13 pm on April 17, 2013]

    24. anon said:

      The only thing that made me feel better is when someone really listened, and acknowledged my horrible pain, though those occurences were very rare. Funny that the one thing that helps is the thing people generally don’t want to / can’t do. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I think the reason (or one of the reasons) is that by really seeing you and your pain, one is forced to realize that they are not invulnerable. That bad things, too, can happen to them, just as randomly and senselessly as they happened to the person in pain. It’s easier to live with your head in the sand.

      As for a good side of the pain, no. There is nothing good about losing a child.

      However, I think it has given me some perspective on life that I wouldn’t have had. I wouldn’t call that a good side of the pain, though. I would call that a gift from my child. And, though she was tiny in size when she died, she was not irrelevant as most people want to believe. She had an enormous impact on the world, especially on her mother who will never forget her or stop loving her.

      [[Creating a Family blog] at 1:23 pm on April 17, 2013]

    25. anon says:

      The only thing that made me feel better is when someone really listened, and acknowledged my horrible pain, though those occurences were very rare. Funny that the one thing that helps is the thing people generally don’t want to / can’t do. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I think the reason (or one of the reasons) is that by really seeing you and your pain, one is forced to realize that they are not invulnerable. That bad things, too, can happen to them, just as randomly and senselessly as they happened to the person in pain. It’s easier to live with your head in the sand.

      As for a good side of the pain, no. There is nothing good about losing a child.

      However, I think it has given me some perspective on life that I wouldn’t have had. I wouldn’t call that a good side of the pain, though. I would call that a gift from my child. And, though she was tiny in size when she died, she was not irrelevant as most people want to believe. She had an enormous impact on the world, especially on her mother who will never forget her or stop loving her.

      • Dawn says:

        anon, your post touched me. [She had an enormous impact on the world, especially on her mother who will never forget her or stop loving her.] Amen!

    26. This is a beautiful ballad and I am really impressed with Pink and the song. Thanks for sharing Dawn Davenport!

    27. Anna says:

      i love her, love, love

    28. Kristina says:

      i love it! for me, mine keep changing – i’m sure people have many to contribute!

    29. Cindy says:

      i cried too – just read the latest update on the ICWA case going to the supreme court. so between that and this song, that is 2 lost boys for me.

    30. Debby says:

      I love Pink and have seen her live, many times. She is an amazing artiist and an amazing person. Beam Me Up was actually written for a friend of hers who lost a child.

      • Dawn says:

        Thanks Debby for the correction. I should know better than to believe what I read on the internet. She sure captured the feeling perfectly for someone who hasn’t experienced it herself.

    31. Gemma says:

      I think Pink has evolved over the years. She has said that having her daughter changed how she thought about music. In fact I am pretty sure I read an article where she discusses the FUs and how she still will include them but does see things a bit differently now. I’ll have to see if I can find it. One of my good friends who finally had her miracle after several rounds of IUI’s really leaned on her music. I think we all have those songs and I love Kristina’s suggestion. We may need a few FU songs just for fun or else I’ll be balling uncontrollably. I have always loved Celine and that song just really helped me express my feelings very loudly in the privacy of my car 🙂

    32. Kristina, I LOVE that idea. Consider it done. Not sure about the mix tape (way too much technological skill required I would think), but we could all link to the YouTube or iTunes version of “our” song.

    33. Am I the only one who had the wrong idea about Pink’s music. I wonder what rock I’ve been hiding under?!?!?! I really really love Beam Me Up. And not a single FU in the whole song.

    34. Am I the only one who had the wrong idea about Pink’s music. I wonder what rock I’ve been hiding under?!?!?! I really really love Beam Me Up. And not a single FU in the whole song.

    35. Gemma, I can see how that song would be a great rock to cling to!

    36. Kristina says:

      you know what would be a good blog? the music that pulls people through adoptions, miscarriage, infertility, etc. i know a lot of people who have “their song” – it would be fun to hear what they are. maybe even make an adoption mix tape. 🙂

    37. Gemma says:

      I love Pink but had not heard this song. The song and in fact a lot of her songs that got me through IVF, Surrogacy and finally holding my beautiful daughter through adoption was Celine Dion’s “A New Day has Come” – I still cry whenever I hear it.

    38. Lori says:

      Love that, right? Never know what someone is going through.

    39. Maria says:

      Whoa…balling over here. Always loved Pink, but love her more now. 🙂

      • Dawn says:

        I’m so glad you liked it as much as I did. I always kind of worry about that when I post something like a song or a poem. It makes me feel vulnerable–“Am I being dorky or sappy or sophomoric?” I cried too, but then I cry at the drop of a hat these days. Must be hormones.

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