The Best of the Internet in Adoption and Infertility

We’re trying something new, which may or may not become a regular feature depending on how you like it and how time consuming it turns out to be.  We come across so many wonderful things online—news, insightful blog posts, etc.  I try to let you know, and we try to get them posted on the relevant resource page of our site, but sometimes they get buried.  This is our effort to draw attention to some of the best of the best we’ve seen lately.  Let us know if you like this feature and that’ll increase the odds of my doing it again.

• “How Can We Make Lemonade from Infertility Lemons – Even at the Holidays? ” We live in stressful times and the demands of the season up the ante. Simple things like going to the mailbox and pulling out holiday cards with the smiling faces of your friends’ children can be blindsiding. On any given day, infertility, its treatment and the dark cloud of uncertainty add to the stress. Add the expectation of joy when what you feel is dread and no wonder you’d like to disappear.  While your response of dread may be normal, check out this blog to learn some enhanced coping skills that might ease the pain.  For other resources on coping during the holidays go to the Creating a Family Holiday Survival page.
• Celebrating Adoption: Attachment Both Ways I’m nothing if not egotistical, and I love anything that reinforces my core beliefs.  This blog says beautifully, what I’ve said a million times—attachment is a two way street.  I take it a step further and say that parenting all kids regardless of how they came to be yours is all about relationship, and relationships by their nature have to flow both ways.  In any event, I love how this blogger summed up what she did originally to help her sons through adoption attach to her, but now looking back, she realizes that these same techniques also helped her attach to them. Simply beautiful!
• Steve Jobs and Blue Nights Reveal Dark Side of Adoption I’m still pondering this article by ABC News on the impact of adoption on Steve Jobs and on writer Joan Didion’s daughter, Quintana Dunne. Joan Didion has just published a new book on her relationship with her daughter and how she thinks adoption negatively affected Quintana and there is a new biography on Steve Jobs just published. Both books tangentially touch on the feelings of abandonment and adoption.  I think some of the information in this article is useful, but the overall tone and assumptions bother me. I hope to blog on this in the future when I have organized my thoughts but wanted you to know about it now.
• An Infertile Adoptive Mom This great essay talks about closure.  The word itself suggests closing something. Like shutting a door to keep the bad thing away. Or lowering the lid on a chest that holds your hurt feelings. If people expect you to find “closure” in order to be happy, then you must unhappy if you leave the door or lid open. Right?  She asks if ending treatment mean you are no longer infertile? She says NO.  What would happen if you were given permission to not find “closure” but to instead accept the pain of your loss? I think it would be freeing. You would not feel like you had to force yourself to be happy before you were ready. Your life would not have to be put on hold until you chose to “close” that painful chapter.
• Another bill has been introduced in Congress to provide a tax credit for the out-of-pocket expenses associated with infertility medical treatment. The “Family Act of 2011,” HR 3522 would apply to expenses related to in vitro fertilization and treatments to preserve fertility for cancer patients.  This bill is a companion bill to a similar bill introduced into the Senate in May 2011.  Advocates can now push for action on the two bills including bipartisan co-sponsorship, Committee Hearings, and movement on the Bills in both chambers. You can write your Congressperson asking for them to co-sponsor these bill and to certainly vote in favor of them.

I know I’ve probably missed some other great information. Please share the links to your best of the best in the world of infertility and adoption in the comment section.