The Creating a Family show yesterday was so much fun. We had a panel of women who became first time moms when they were over 40. One was over 50 and is contemplating another pregnancy next year when she’ll be 52 or 53. If you’re over 40, this is a show you really need to listen to.
We talked about the advantages and disadvantages of being an older mother. The disadvantages are clear (less energy, less grandparent support, feeling out of step with your peer group, etc.), but there are also advantages (calmer, more time, financial security).
All the moms on the panel also talked about the intense feeling of gratitude that they felt at being able to parent. Because they had to work so hard and had waited so long to become a parent, they appreciated the opportunity to parent. They felt that this gratitude allowed them to be more present with their children and ride the ups and downs of parenting with less anxiety.
I think for me it’s partly to do with age, but also partly to do with it that process that we went through to get to our child, but I have an extreme level of gratitude about being a parent in the first place. I am truly, actively aware and grateful for being a parent everyday so there’s so much stuff that doesn’t phase me, it doesn’t bother me, it doesn’t stress me out. The fact that I can be someone’s parent in the first place is amazing.
I think both my husband and I are really present with our child and really notice all of the cool stuff that happens. I’m really grateful for it. So, I think that just being an older parent and having to go through fertility treatments or adoption puts you in a different kind of mind-space about parenting. …There is something that I can find to be amazed by or delighted by or grateful for every single day. And the fact that I take time to do that or that I’m able to have that kind of perspective, I think does have something to do with age. ~Lisa Encee, mom for the first time at age 44 through adoption and contemplating a second adoption at age 46
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Several of your posts have stated that you cannot adopt an infant from Foster Care. However, one of your guests (Molly, age 45) on your show today was able to adopt an infant from Foster Care.
This brings up the questions of accuracy of your first statement and does your guest have any hints/tips for adopting an infant out of foster care?
Jane, I can assure you that I have never said you cannot adopt an infant from foster care. In fact, the Creating a Family Facebook Support Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/40688106167/) has a number of members that have adopted infants from foster care. What I say some version of “while it is possible to adopt an infant from foster care, it is not the norm, and if you only want to adopt a single infant that is not part of a sibling group from foster care, you will likely have a long wait.” I would also add that most, but not all, babies in foster care will first be placed in foster families rather than families that will only accept adoption placements, so you must go in accepting the risk that the babies placed with you will eventually be reunified with their bio family.
Since is so usually, how did Molly at age 45 pull off this adoption? And if it isn’t the norm, it appears that she did adopt an infant from foster care that was not apart of a sibling group and your other conditions. It just makes me wonder how some couples can accomplish this type of adoption and others cannot.
I can’t speak for the woman on the show, but usually the answers to your questions is openness to risk factors and luck.