Giving Up on a Failed Adoption
Q: At what point does the PAP in a failed adoption decide that they’ve done all they can do and move on? My husband and I are in a horrible position in that we’ve done everything we can think of to do, and everything we’ve been advised to do and we cannot see a path to completing our failed adoption. I’ve heard stories of people fighting to complete an adoption for four and even six years. I’m exhausted. I am despondent, and our lives are a complete wreck. I don’t understand how people can spend years living the way we’ve been living for the past 7 months. How have other parents decided it was time to move on? What becomes the turning point?
A: I’m so sorry you are going through this. There is no simple answer. I think you have to look at what is best for you and your family first. It’s kind of like the airline instruction to take care of yourself before you put the oxygen mask on your child. If you have reached the point of despondency and exhaustion then it seems like it would be time. One thought would be to take a break and just see what develops. Don’t push, don’t spend more money. Just let what will happen happen. But here’s the important point, don’t blame yourself or feel guilty. Not every adoption situation is meant to be and you are not at fault that this one isn’t working out. Good luck, and know that you aren’t alone.
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