Establishing Healthy Attachment with Grandparents

Q&A with the Experts


Establishing Attachment with GrandparentsQ: My husband and I came home from Kazakhstan a little over a month ago with our amazing daughter. ?We have kept to the guidelines of keeping anybody except our immediate family out of our home, not letting other folks hold or care for her, etc in order to promote healthy attachment. ?My parents are coming to visit next month for the first time and?will be the first people who have been in our home since we got back. ?We’re trying to set some healthy boundaries, such as no cuddling with our daughter or comforting her if she’s hurting, but we don’t want it to come across as “these are our rules and we don’t want you touching your grandchild.” Do you have general guidelines for folks outside of the immediate family and any resource that explains the whys behind those guidelines so that it doesn’t seem like we’re trying to come between my parents and our daughter but rather that we’re trying our darndest to promote a healthy, lifelong attachment?

A: I wrote about this topic and the philosophy behind it in the last chapter of The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Your Child, so I would first recommend that you get a copy from the library or (better yet) buy one, but I can also try to help you a bit here.

It seems to me that you have what at first blush look like competing goals: helping your child attach to you and helping your child and your parents attach, but in fact may not be at odds with each other. Both parental and grandparental relationships are important. It seems from your question that your daughter is attaching well to you and your husband. By the time your parents arrive, she will have been home for over two months. If she seems to be adjusting and attaching well, I don

20/10/2009 | by Q&A with the Experts | Categories: Adoption, Adoption Q&A with the Experts | 0 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to Top ↑

Content created by Creating a Family. And remember, there are no guarantees in adoption or infertility treatment. The information provided or referenced on this website should be used only as part of an overall plan to help educate you about the joys and challenges of adopting a child or dealing with infertility. Although the following seems obvious, our attorney insists that we tell you specifically that the information provided on this site may not be appropriate or applicable to you, and despite our best efforts, it may contain errors or important omissions. You should rely only upon the professionals you employ to assist you directly with your individual circumstances. CREATING A FAMILY DOES NOT WARRANT THE INFORMATION OR MATERIALS contained or referenced on this website. CREATING A FAMILY EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS LIABILITY FOR ERRORS or omissions in this information and materials and PROVIDES NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, implied, express or statutory. IN NO EVENT WILL CREATING A FAMILY BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES, including without limitation direct or indirect, special, incidental, or consequential damages, losses or expenses arising out of or in connection with the use of the information or materials, EVEN IF CREATING A FAMILY OR ITS AGENTS ARE NEGLIGENT AND/OR ARE ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.