Practical Tips for Disciplining While Maintaining Attachment

In this episode we talk about practical tips for disciplining while maintaining attachment with Amanda Purvis, a Training Specialist at the Karyn Purvis Center for Child Development, a social worker, and a mom of five.

Hit the Highlights
  • Basics of how to create attachment with kids who have experience trauma.
  • What is the purpose of discipline?
  • Building the foundation.
  • Punishment vs. retraining.
  • Different disciplinary approaches.
    • Why doesn’t the “spare the rod, spoil the child” disciplinary approach work?
    • Time-outs or being sent to their room.
    • Shaming
    • Lecturing
  • “At risk kids (children who have experienced trauma) respond better to discipline that guides them to think about their choices and consequences without being shamed.”
  • Is the goal to preserve a warm, loving connection between parent and child throughout the discipline process?
  • How to approach disciplining that combines firmness, kindness, and retraining.
    • You are the boss-own your authority.
      • Be a good boss.
      • Speak with authority
    • Gear response to the child’s level of misbehavior
    • Shift your perspective: misbehavior is an opportunity
    • Don’t take it personally (approach discipline in a matter of fact way)
    • The “IDEAL” approach
    • Respond immediately
    • Respond directly
    • Respond efficiently and measured. Less is more. (firmness, correction, words) Don’t get into a discussion.
    • Response is action-based. (Active redirection. Physically led through a do-over followed by praise).
    • Response is leveled at the behavior not the child.
  • The power of the Re-Do
    • Parental attitude about the re-do is important: Re-dos are not punishment. They are an opportunity to instruct and practice. Keep it pleasant, upbeat.
    • If needed, model what you want.
    • Follow up with praise.
  • Maintaining attachment
    • Think it over place
    • Give choices and compromises
    • Sandwich technique-send more positive than negative messages
    • Maintain a respectful atmosphere: give respect and expect respect
  • Common scenarios that drive parents crazy. (Look beyond the behavior to what need the child expressing).
    • Inability to accept “no”
    • Not responding to your request (i.e. ignoring you)
    • Triangulation-remember it’s a survival technique
    • Lying
  • Importance of finding a way to recharge because parenting and disciplining a child who has experienced a rough start is exhausting.

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Music Credit: Michael Ashworth

Photo Credit: Pixabay from Pexels