Adoption and Tweens and Teens

Dawn Davenport

12

Adoption Resources Tweens Teens

Mei magazine is written for girls adopted from China. Read our review!

One of the hazards of my job is inundation.  I receive quite a few requests each week to include a website or book on Creating a Family.  Since we review everything before we put it on the site, it is quite a bit of work to add something, especially a book.  I already have to read a lot to prep for the radio show, so adding one more book to my stack can feel overwhelming at times.  On the other hand, Creating a Family is also dependent on others to spread the word about our show, website and blog so I know first hand what it feels like to be the one asking.  So more often than not, I say yes to the request for reviews, which is why I have to step over a stack of things I MUST read and review sitting on the floor of my office.  A couple of months ago a copy of Mei magazine, aimed at the tween and teen market of girls adopted from China, was added to the stack.

Mei Magazine

When it first came in, I looked over it quickly and thought they had a problem with age range.  Their stated age range is 7-14 and that’s a mighty wide span.  The age of the models and the kids writing letters to be answered were mostly in the 8-10 range, while the subject matter of the articles seemed to be aimed for the 12-14 age range.  That could be a big problem because the kids old enough to be interested in the articles would think the magazine was too babyish for them.  Usually magazines geared towards tweens and early teens use same age or slightly older models than their audience.  I dropped it on my pile to be read more thoroughly later.

A couple of time in the following months I started through the stack looking for Mei to write a review, but didn’t find it quickly and was soon distracted by something else that needed reviewing.  Last week, my 14 year old daughter [adopted from Korea] shows up at my office door with my copy of Mei in hand.  “Hey, this is really cool.  Can we order it?”  I was surprised by her reaction since she’s not particularly interested in talking about adoption, and she is even less interested in anything that might remotely seem babyish or even geared for someone slightly younger.

Me:  Well, I’ll consider it if you help me write a review.

Daughter: You mean like actually write it?!?  It’s summer vacation you know.

Me: Oh, that’s right.  Heaven forbid that you actually do something that requires your brain in summer.  Would it be too taxing for you to tell me what you think and I’ll write it up?

Daughter:  Yeah, I could manage that.  It was cool and I really liked it.

Me:  What age range would you say it’s for?

Daughter:  Any age range.  It’s good for 14.

Me: What article did you like the best?

Daughter:  The one about using feng shui on your bedroom.

Me:  Did the article inspire you to clean up your room?

Daughter: No, but it did inspire me to decorate.  You want to go shopping?

Me:  I don’t know much about feng shui, but I’m pretty sure the first step is to be able to walk across the room without stepping on most of your belongings.  What did you think about the first article on missing your birth parents?

Daughter: It was good.

Me: (Sensing an open window for discussion)  Some adopted people think about their birth parents a lot and some hardly think about them at all, and some think about them, but don’t know it’s OK to talk about them.  I notice you don’t talk about them much.  Is that because you don’t think about them or you don’t want to talk about them.

Daughter: Well, I don’t really think about them unless someone brings them up.

Me:  Who brings them up with you?

Daughter: Pretty much, just you.

Me: (Note to self: Curb your enthusiasm.)  Who would you recommend this magazine for?

Daughter:  I think it would be great for all adopted kids.

Me:  Really, even though most of the articles have a China connection and all the models are Asian?

Daughter:  I guess you’re right.  Maybe all Asian adopted girls.  I think it would be cool if they included articles about a few other Asian cultures, and then they’d have more kids that would want to read it.  Plus, everyone, even if they are from China, is interested in learning a few things about other Asian cultures.

A week later we had friends visiting, including an almost 16 year old also adopted from Korea.  I asked her opinion.  This young woman is one of those teens that cultivates the “too cool for school/pseudo sophisticated” attitude, so I assumed her review would be rather harsh since this magazine is not exactly geared for her age or attitude.  Again, I was surprised.  “That first article about birth parents was really good.  It is just what adopted kids think about.”  She did acknowledge the age issue.  “The kid who asked the question about birth parents was 8, but the answer was more for my age.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There may be a few universal lessons from this experience other than a mother can never predict what her teen will like.  My daughter’s and our friend’s response supports what I have always believed– most teens think about their adoptions, even if they show little outward interest in this subject.  Unfortunately, finding good material for this age is hard.  I list the few books that are written for this age in the suggested book page, but children over the age of 12 usually aren’t receptive to parent selected books.  Culture camps or adoption support groups for adopted kids fill this need beautifully, but not all tweens and teens have access to these or want to go, especially if they have not been going regularly and don’t have friends attending.  Mei is a wonderful addition to our adoption resources for this age.  Its mission is “to instill confidence and create a forum in which ‘our girls’ can share and enjoy their special sisterhood”.  It covers adoption topics, such as birth parents and being Asian in a Caucasian country and family, but it also includes fun things about Chinese culture and stuff young people think about like decorating their rooms and starting a new school.

I like my daughter’s suggestion about including articles about Korea, Vietnam, and other Asian countries/cultures that place children abroad for adoption, although it would expand the “sisterhood” to include all Asian adopted girls, which might defeat the founding purpose.  On the other hand, I think that the current audience of children adopted from China would enjoy learning something about other Asian cultures, and it would help dispel some of the very real prejudice that exists amongst Asian countries and people.  It would also enlarge Mei’s audience of potential readers.

Mei is ambitious in the age range they are trying to cover, but given the size of their potential audience, they have to be.  If you are buying this for kids younger than 10 (and I think you should), I suggest you read through the magazine first.  For example, my daughter was interested in the article on makeup for Asian eyes.  That fine for my 14 year old who is just starting to play around with makeup, but I wouldn’t want to encourage my 9 year old to think about it.  The magazine is still great for the younger ages, but as a parent, I would want to stress to my daughter that some of the articles are really meant for much older girls.

As I was finishing up with this blog, my dearest daughter stuck her head back in my office.

Daughter:  Did you notice that you could buy all the back magazines for $50.  It’s a real bargain.  You should consider getting them for me.

Me:  I know it’s summer and you don’t do math in the summer, but exactly how is my spending $50 for 18 issues a real bargain.

Daughter:  Isn’t it worth $50 bucks to get me to think about all that adoption stuff?  **smile**

Me: (Note to self: Don’t be so obvious.)

Mei is published quarterly and a year’s subscription is $24 (US).  www.meimagazine.com My check is in the mail.

Image credit: Dieter Drescher

04/08/2009 | by Dawn Davenport | Categories: Adoption, Adoption Blog, Blog | 12 Comments



12 Responses to Adoption and Tweens and Teens

  1. Alida says:

    I enjoyed reading this, Dawn. I agree with Momofmany, I wish there was a magazine like this for example for girls adopted from Ethiopia.
    On another note, I don’t really see our country as a Caucasian country, but rather a melting pot of all kinds of cultures, skin colors and nationalities …. really, when you think about it, and granted I don’t have the numbers to show for it, but when you put all the ethnic groups together such as Blacks, Latinos, Asian, Arabs, Indians and all other ethnics groups and mixed nationalities and races together, I think this group might be greater than the Caucasion group. Maybe I misunderstood you though, and you meant Caucasion country because most Asian adoptions are done by Caucasion people so these girls might grow up primarily amidst Caucasion people …. I’m not sure, either way …. I think our country is a melting pot …… and I love it for that even more!

  2. Dawn says:

    Nope, the only way that happens is if I put my foot down and insist on cleaning for health reasons. But as soon as it is cleaned and vacuumed, she returns to storing things on the floor. Rooms aren’t a battle that I fight.

  3. Dawn says:

    I think it’s a great idea. Your 10 year old’s attitude towards China and adoption will influence your younger daughter in both obvious and subtle ways. Also, I think your 10 year old would be interested in some of the articles because they are just plain fun and interesting.

  4. great blog. It is hard to find relevant and age appropriate literature for teens across the board. Glad to hear about your daughters experience with the magazine. kiddos (teenagers especially) will tell you like it is.

  5. Bev says:

    As the mother of 3 grown children, I always leaned towards adopting a boy as my son was extremely sweet and cuddly, where as his sisters wanted to “do it myself”. But, I ended up with 3 teen girls and a 7 yo little brother. Talk about a different boy!!! Holes in the knees of pants after 2 wearings, impossible to remove stains on his shirts and never can remember where they came from!
    My daughters are all very different-the one that came home from Russia at 17-1/2 yo has whole heartedly accepted America as home and says she really has no plans to return to Russia. Her sister was 14 when brought home and is still dealing with identy issues 3 years later. My other 17 yo (now) is so happy to have a mother, it is almost pathetic (hers was killed in an auto accident.) So, to 2 I am the MOM and one is just now accepting me, but still feels like I am usurping her “real” mother’s place. She talks about going back and finding her “real” mom, not sure what emotions will rule if she does, as she and her siblings were the product of abandonment!
    But at 3 years on the first 3 and 18 months on the last one, I no longer feel like I am “bumbing” along and life is getting a bit smoother at home.
    p.s. there is a Yahoo list serve for parents of older international adoptees. It is great to know that no matter where the kids are from, we are all in basically the same boat!

  6. Emma Rainey says:

    As a mom to be who is doing everything known to man and beyond to have a child, I find it amazingly uplifting to read about parenting older kids. I don’t know why, since I find it hard to read anything about parenting babies, but I love reading your blogs about your older kids. It gives me hope and I like that you don’t make it all seem perfect and easy and unrealistic. Maybe I’m just weird or more likely hormonal, but I like it. Thanks and keep it up.

  7. Ms. Mom says:

    There are almost no blogs or websites or anything for parents of the upper elementary plus kids. I know you try to keep your blog pretty open to both infertility and adoption, but I really appreciate your tween and teen parenting ones. Thanks.

  8. Momofmany says:

    Your daughter sounds like my daughter–so funny. I wish there were a magazine like this for all adopted kids. That would apply to domestically adopted kids and internationally adopted kids. I wonder if people would buy it. I think a lot of parents think that their 12+ year olds just don’t think about it. Maybe some don’t, but like you, I think they do.

  9. Vivianne says:

    I am always looking for resources. Your suggested book page has been my guide for the last 2 years. I appreciate your reviews. I loved this one. What I like about your blogs is the interaction between you and your kids. It sounds so normal. When I think about my kids getting older I worry about what it and they will be like, but after I read your blogs I always feel better. Sometimes I even look forward to it. Tweens and teen can be fun.

  10. Sarah says:

    I too find it hard to find good materials of any sort to keep the dialog going with my adopted tween and teen. Like yours, they aren’t into that topic right now, but I agree that they are likely thinking about it. I’ll check out Mei. Thanks for the funny review that also gave enough information to be worthwhile.

  11. Tonggu Momma says:

    Great review! I’m linking on Sunday. And inquiring minds want to know… did she ever clean her room? Heh.

  12. LOL – I love your replay of the conversations 🙂 I have one question: what do you think of this magazine for a Caucasian older sister to an adopted Chinese daughter? My ten year old is already intrigued about all the “stuff” that I read about on line and in books and I’m wondering if this might be a neat way for her to learn about her sister’s perspective (to be determined later as she grows, since she’s only two now!). Thanks!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to Top ↑

Content created by Creating a Family. And remember, there are no guarantees in adoption or infertility treatment. The information provided or referenced on this website should be used only as part of an overall plan to help educate you about the joys and challenges of adopting a child or dealing with infertility. Although the following seems obvious, our attorney insists that we tell you specifically that the information provided on this site may not be appropriate or applicable to you, and despite our best efforts, it may contain errors or important omissions. You should rely only upon the professionals you employ to assist you directly with your individual circumstances. CREATING A FAMILY DOES NOT WARRANT THE INFORMATION OR MATERIALS contained or referenced on this website. CREATING A FAMILY EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS LIABILITY FOR ERRORS or omissions in this information and materials and PROVIDES NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, implied, express or statutory. IN NO EVENT WILL CREATING A FAMILY BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES, including without limitation direct or indirect, special, incidental, or consequential damages, losses or expenses arising out of or in connection with the use of the information or materials, EVEN IF CREATING A FAMILY OR ITS AGENTS ARE NEGLIGENT AND/OR ARE ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.