A while back we took a poll of which holiday is hardest for the infertile: Christmas, Hanukah, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, Easter, or Halloween? Which holiday is hardest for the infertile? You may be surprised.
As is probably no surprise Mother’s Day came in first in our survey by a wide margin. However, second place was a bit of a surprise with a tie between Christmas and Halloween, with Easter a close third.
The reasons for Mother’s Day being so hard are obvious: the celebration of all you want but can’t have is bound to be a painful day. The reasons for Christmas seem fairly obvious too. The magic of the holiday as seen through the eyes of a child and being surrounded by nieces and nephews makes for a painful reminder of your loss. Halloween and Easter might be less obvious.
Think back to the topic of conversation in mid-October. Your real life and social networking conversations were full of plans for what little Junior or Juniorette were going to be for Halloween. On November 1st you are inundated with pictures of little ghosts, goblins, and action heros carrying plastic pumpkins full of candy.
Easter has also become a very child-centered holiday. Think about what your Facebook feed looked like on Easter this year. Was it full of adorable Easter bonnets, smocked dresses, little bow ties, and chocolate smeared little faces? Probably. It’s hard to be childless in the midst of all this adorableness.
Words from the Infertile-Which Holiday is Hardest?
Here’s a sampling of what we heard in our survey.
- Mother’s Day is the hardest: every year I think it will be my last year being without children and every year it isn’t.
- I found Mother’s Day the most difficult and began to avoid it as we struggled through the adoption process. I would go into hiding for the weekend.
- Halloween- all those pictures of parents taking their kids to the pumpkin patch- ugh!
- Once my siblings started having kids, our family Christmas traditions became all about them. I understand, but it is so hard.
- It was always Mother’s Day for me… I just felt so excluded and empty. Like I didn’t belong.
- Not sure why Easter is so hard for me. I think it’s like Halloween. Pretty dresses and suits and costumes.
- Christmas, and all the lead up to Christmas, seems to last so long. We dread the family get-togethers and who is going to announce they are pregnant this year.
- Easter yes…I remember how special it was for me and my mom and family. All the pretty clothes and seeming kids everywhere you turn.
- Hanukah seems to go on forever. I either have to participate in my sister and her kid’s celebration every week or I have to hear about it from my parents. I love them and am happy for their excitement and happiness, but it highlights what I don’t have. And did I mention that it goes on forever!
- None for me. I adopted and now don’t worry about not being able to have a bio kid. And I’m adopted too.
So how about you? Which holiday is the hardest for you?
[sws_blue_box box_size=”515″]Other Creating a Family Resources You Will Enjoy
- Multimedia Guide: Surviving the Holidays Without a Child
- Ten Tips for Surviving the Holidays When You’re Infertile
- Infertility & the Holiday-“When Are You Going to Have Kids?”[/sws_blue_box]
Image credit: Steve James (Mother’s Day); Charles Rodstrom (Easter); Paul Saad (Halloween); (Christmas); Juhan Sonin; lindes (shattered Peep)
For me, it was always mother’s day. I had my hysterectomy a few days before mother’s day. I layed in bed that day completely shattered. My mind, and spirit where empty. I sobbed in my best friends arms. My husband tried so hard to make me feel better. I was 32 years old. Infertile,and now no longer felt like a” woman” . Plus I slammed into the menopause wall. That was the worst time of my life.
Tammi, wow, talk about awful timing!!! I’m so sorry this happened to you.
For me last year it was Christmas. Even though Father’s Day was a trigger it’s not as important to me in terms of family gatherings as Christmas is. The empty tree and lack of excitement that was present this past Christmas was really difficult for me.
I would like to share my story with anyone who could consider my experience useful! The story starts in 2005 when I was diagnosed with cervical carcinoma. As you understand I have no chances to give birth to my baby. After long long consultations with my psychologist, me and my husband were told that the best (and I think the only) way to have a child for us is to find donated eggs and a surromom.
I need to tell that we decided to do everything in Europe, because I heard and read a lot about Spanish and Czech IVF clinics. Most of the feedback I read made me confident about this destination. So had my travel begun. I had two unsuccessful tries, one with fresh eggs in Barcelona, Spain, which lasted 2 years because it took really long time to find a donor; half of my heart had blown away when I heard that the girl lost our child.. Next try was in Prague, Czech Republic; it was not so long, because they found the donor quickly. We had to wait until they find us a surromom and everything seemed really well! But the pregnancy occurred to be ectopic. Frankly, at that time I was deeply depressed and almost dropped my hands. I am really thankful to my husband for all the help and support I received from him!
When we finally decided to try again,i fell pregnant at the age of 37,everything worked like a miracle,we had our baby boy 2 months ago and it was a success,we are all in great and perfect condition..
I want to advice all women in same position to never give up,it happened to me and it could happen to you.