Sometimes there is nothing lonelier than waiting to become a parent. Whether you’re on the infertility merry-go-round (appointments, shots, peeing, waiting, and praying) or playing the adoption waiting game (filling out forms, chasing paper, checking online forums for the latest rumors, jumping at every phone call, and praying), this baby quest is all consuming. A woman I consulted with a few weeks ago said it perfectly when she called it an obsession. But sometimes this obsession becomes a bit wearing on your circle of family and friends, and just maybe, your partner. So, where do you put all this baby-lust energy, before it drives the rest of the world to plan exit strategies when they see you coming?
Well, the internet is a good place to start. The beauty of internet forums, chats, and message boards is that you never have to worry that you sound obsessive. You probably do, but so do the rest of us, so we don’t care. Besides, if you do happen to go on and on at length about this illusive baby you so crave (not that any of you have, but if someone else does), other forum members don’t have to read your posts. But most will because they’ve BTDT (been there, done that) or ATFT (are there, feel that). Be warned: forums have a personality and not all are uplifting places to spend your time, so be selective. The last thing you need in your life right now is negativity. You’re likely getting enough of that on your infertility or adoption journey. Also be cautious of the rumors (especially on the adoption forums) which can build on the internet like a tornado on an Oklahoma prairie, and can cause just about as much damage to your psyche. Get your information from reputable websites, but vent away your anxiety on the forums. There is a forum for just about every diagnosis, treatment, type of adoption and country. One of the best, if I do say so myself, is the Creating a Family Facebook Support Group.
After you’ve drained some of the anxiety, then it’s time for a little inspiration. This is where I’m really in my element. “Hi, my name is Dawn, and I’m a comfort junkie.” Part of my personally designed recovery program is to spread the wealth, and I’ve found the Creating a Family website to be the perfect outlet. I almost never really plug this site in this blog, but I really love the comfort part, so forgive me this one time.
I completely get that inspiration is personal and quirky, so I try to cover the waterfront. I’m also real clear that what inspires the adoption journey is not likely to inspire the infertility journey, so I keep them separate. And last, but certainly not least, there is a lot of carp (reverse the letters-I don’t allow my kids to use the other word, so my teenaged son came up with this substitute) out there. That’s where my comfort addiction works to your advantage. I’ve waded in knee deep and chose the best. What works for me may not work for you, but one of these should do the trick.
Adoption and Infertility Videos:
Amongst the drivel on the Internet are some jewels. Check out my favorites under Adoption Videos and Infertility Videos. I separate the adoption videos by country, type of adoption (foster care, domestic, international, embryo, and GLBTQ). With the infertility videos, I include the inspirational or fun rather than educational.
Adoption and Infertility Blogs:
Adoption: There are an unbelievable number of blogs now. I can’t complain since you are currently reading one of them, but many don’t capture my interest. I don’t even pretend that my list is complete, but when I read one that I think is particularly good, I add it to my blogroll on the left of this page as well as here. We break it out by type of adoption, type of parenting unit, and country.
Infertility: Ditto what I said about adoption blogs. My favorite infertility blogs are on the blogroll of this page. I also have a blog section under Infertility Resources for some others.
Suggested Adoption and Infertility Books: Now you’ve come to the best. There is nothing I love more than to curl up with a great read. For a book to inspire and entertain me, it has to have a happy ending . I don’t require the perfect ending, and I relish a few bumps along the way as much as the next person, but I want it to end with the girl getting the guy, or in this case, the girl getting the child. I also like books that challenge me to think in a new way or about new topics. We have lists of the best fun and inspirational adoption and infertility books.
I hope these resources help to inspire you and help you keep on keeping on. This journey to your child and the family you want may not be easy, but it can have a happy ending.
P.S. If you have your own favorite inspirational video, blog, forum, or book, please let me know via the contact page of this website. I’d love to help spread the word. The world of infertility and adoption can use all the inspiration we can get.
Image credit: Joshua Altmanshofer
Yes, I sometimes wonder how people did it without the internet. Of course, the internet is as much of a pain as it is a source of comfort and knowledge, but I wouldn’t want to try to live without it.
Thank you for this. I’m a devoted listener to the Creating a Family podcast and was going back re reading some of your old blogs. I needed this today more than you will ever know. Thank you for your compassion.
Wonderful list of resources Dawn – thank you for hand picking some truly excellent resources! I love your posts, website & podcast!
I don’t comment often, but I remember the pain of waiting like it was yesterday. How to answer the 275th person who asks “any news about your adoption yet?”, how to deal with the thought “will we EVER be parents?”
Thank you for being a trusted, valued resource in my journey to be a good adoptive mom. Bless you for your time, effort & empathy! Please, please keep up the excellent work!
Thanks Dawn for the info. Me and my husband struggle with infertility until we both felt lead to adopt. We are in the process of adopting a child from China. The wait is getting longer and we are thinking about choosing another country or possibly choosing domestic. On top of the long wait on the adoption my husband has been laid off from his job for about 2 1/2 months. I using the time to get information on other types of adoption and hopefully we can make a decision when he finds employment.
I so understand the need for inspiration especially now that our wait in China seems to be lasting forever. It’s so hard not to get discouraged. I’ll check out your resources. Thanks for including the fun and inspirational along with the educational.
Yep, infertility sucks. Thanks for understanding and helping us along the way. Your blog is my Tuesday treat.
Good article. Keep it up. We need all the inspiration we can get. In the past I haven’t found any videos that were worth my time, but I just finished two of the ones you list and I have promised myself to watch the rest the weekend. I like books, but really like videos, so thanks for doing the leg work to week out all the “carp”.
The adoption and infertility journeys are very long and sometimes don’t go as smooth as we plan/hope. It’s tough at times. Thankfully, we have the internet.
Thanks for writing and pulling all these resources together. I’m not good at finding this type of stuff even though I really enjoy it once someone shows me where it is. I just ordered two books, I’ll let you know what I think.
Great post. I’ve loved the community of support and encouragement that I found when we were in the thick of our wait. The fact that these bloggers and forum members with whom I was connecting KNEW the journey made things less lonely and less uncertain. Seeing families who had successfully navigated the murky waters of int’l adoption and had their babies in their arms gave me such hope.
I did have to pick and choose carefully whom I read and connected to, as there are many out there and I did have four other kids at home who needed my attention. It could border on addictive when the wait felt the darkest and longest! And of course, there are always those out there ready to spread discouragement or anger or other nasty thoughts and feelings. I did NOT need that. Being discriminating in that season of my life was more important than ever before – protecting my mind and my attitude from others’ well meaning platitudes (or even ignorance) was paramount.
I just had to come back and leave you a message of thanks. AFter reading this I have been going through all the videos and have ordered the books that you reviewed and they are simply the best collection of resources I’ve found. Thank you for the lifeline.